Thursday, February 24, 2011

Steroids & Weight Gain?

When I last went to doctor, she put me on Asmanex which should help repair my lungs and the asthma.  As a result, I have not used my inhaler in 3 weeks!  But then something occured to me....Asmanex has steroids in it.  The Albuterol has steroids in it.

My sister was placed on steroids for various reasons.  Her weight ballooned and she once told me she has just accepted this is the way she's going to be.  Well, I'll not have that!  SOmething snapped in me over the weekend.  I told myself, OK self!  I'm off the e-cig, it's time to start on the belly problem.  I began late last week, setting my alarm clock 10 minuets earlier.  Each morning I put in a hard 10 minuets on the elliptical.  Every day I promise to do more, even a leisurely pace once I get home from work, but I've been so exhausted I can barely function.

For example, today I began with 3.5 cups of coffee, a Crystal Light energy drink, 2 caffinated sodas and STILL felt ready to take a nap at any moment.  Oh, I do not leave out water.  My rule is on 20 oz bottle of water between each drink.  I haven't been sleeping well & that may be due to using the Asmanex.  A small price to pay for being able to breathe.

I was bound and determined to begin eating better foods.  Shawn seems a little concerned when I cook a big meal & do not eat with him, but I am sure he can live with that.  Most days I have a bowl of veggies, a big salad and a bag of popcorn.

At work, I usually eat a 300 calorie sandwich made with whole grain bread & miracle whip and a baked sweet potato made only with Cavender's seasoning (no butter).  I discovered whole grain crackers (Kashi, $2.68 at Wal-Mart) which are not really too bad when crumpled over a big green leaf lettuce salad.  7 crackers packs a whopping 4 grams of fiber & it's just a satisfying as croutons.  I also sprinkle on parmasean cheese, pepper and a little garlic.  And of course ranch dressing; you got ta let me have something here.

When I make chicken for supper or brown rice, I'll have some.  Or if the whole meal is kinda fatty & Shawn is wanting mac & cheese, I'll have a little mac & cheese, but nothing else.

And yes, I NEED my sweets so I've been having a Fiber One chewy bar or a Kellogg's fiber bar and yes, it's just like a candy bar.  SO sweet, but very little sugar.

Who knows if I"ll stick with it this time.  I am being positive about it though.  The morning 10 minuets of exercise is almost easy and I never have a problem with eating a huge bowl of green beans!  We'll see how this works out.  I refuse to get fat again and I really, really, really, want to lose my belly jiggle, more than anything!!

My current advice to anyone else is to experiment and find healthy foods you love.  If you cannot control yourself around a certain food, refuse to let it in the house. (As in, if your right eye offends you--pluck it out!)  Buy your family snacks they love but only if you hate it. 
If you hate nuts, buy cookies full of nuts.  Mint, if you hate mint.  You get the idea.

Also, here's something I read a while ago.  Have fat.  Have sugar.  But not together.  If the food has fat AND sugar, do not eat it.  The writer explained why this makes perfectly good sense but I have lost the article.  It's something to think about, anyway.  The mere thought makes me want cake!  HA HA!!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Backslider

Ever since last weekend, I haven't read my Bible.  I was almost diligent about it when I needed something.  And it isn't like, Oh I got what I asked for, now I don't need God any more.  That's not how I feel at all.  I've just gotten really, really lazy about it.  Of course I still need the Lord, and of course I still need to study the Bible and fix other areas in my body, attitude and mind. 

Why all of a sudden am I being so lazy about it all?  This is typical for me.  I am always doing this, going back and forth.  I've been praying for God to draw me in, give me a want to study the Bible, to pray more.  I feel so guilty for being lazy after God had done so much for me delivering me from the e-cig. 

I want to feel God's presence and I also want God's presents.  (that was a Joyce Meyer joke)  Why does it always seem that I have to reach rock bottom to seek God?  When am I gonna grow up?

The Power of Prayer

Saturday was a little....let's call it difficult.  The plan was to gather as much prayer as I could and quit cold turkey.  The morning went alright, that is, until I wasn't the only one up int he house.  Shawn & I were in the bed beginning a movie and his bed side lamp was right in my eyes.  I asked him if he could turn it away a little.

He made this face accompanied by an eye roll and shut off the lamp with a huff.  "What?" I demanded.
"It's always about the lamp!" Shawn exclaimed.
"Well, it's always in my eyes!  All I asked was that you turn it a little and I asked very nicely and you throw this little fit!!!"

It's easy to explain this to anyone who's ever been addicted and tried to get off said addiction.  As soon as there is a little upset, the first thing you want to do it run tot he drug to calm yourself down.  I went to the kitchen where I had a single slice of pizza in the oven.  I tossed it on top of the oven.  I wasn't even hungry anymore.  I was dying for some nicotine by now.  I ended up on the floor by the back door and it's very cold over there.  I sat in the corner for 40 minuets, sobbing like an idiot.  At one point, I had two pieces of nicotine gum in my hands and just fondled them as I cried.

I got up and took 2 Benadryl.  As soon as I good and relaxed, I ate my pizza, finished the movie and slept all day.  If I woke up, I took another Benadryl.  I slept the entire day away, literally.  Around 8pm, I had been awake for a little bit but still very drowsy.  I went tot he bathroom to brush my teeth and there on the counter was 2 pieces of nicotine gum.

I'd been tot he bathroom several times, why hadn't I noticed them before?  Why hadn't I pt them away the night before?  I thought it was very strange.  I debated it for a few minuets but wound up opening the little foil packages and popping them into my mouth.  I had a fitful sleep all night.  I must have woken up and turned over about 47 times.

Almost as soon as I woke up on Sunday morning I popped some nicotine gum and kept it in my mouth all day.  And I was fine.  I wasn't moody or aggravated.  Later that afternoon, I'd remembered that I had left all my e-cig stuff on the counter in the living room.  I was nervous about putting it away.  I was afraid that if I simply placed my hands on the stuff I'd be huffing away at any moment.

I wasn't bothered by it.  I didn't crave it or even really want it.  Now, all day I had been sort of depressed about chewing the nic gum.  I felt that I had failed.  But if I could touch the beefy 6 volt e-cig, the liquids and place them in a drawer & not even want them....I felt this really was a breakthrough.

I went out tot he garage where Shawn was fiddling with his current project and explained I had been chewing the gum all day, about how I was depressed about it, but didn't even want my e-cig or to even inhale from it.

He was less than encouraging.  He sort of just nodded and went on to explain what he was wanting to do in the garage.  I went inside.  My mom called around 5pm and told me she had argued with herself over calling.  She was afraid I'd be sleeping or having fits but she wanted to call to see how I was doing.  I told her about the gum, picking up the e-cig and putting it away.  This is the reaction that I needed.

"GOOD!  PRAISE GOD!!  AWESOME!!!"  Good 'ol mom. 

I've been telling everyone whom I'd asked to pray for me that it was like I was delivered from the e-cig overnight.  To have it my hands at all times, then not even want it?  Truly a miracle.  To explain, a lot of smokers can't quit using the gum.  It's the essentially the same drug, yes, but it's so, so different.  You're used to getting the drug through inhalation, having it in your hand, holding, feeling it ride down your throat and even into your lungs.  There's a comfort in it, feeding the fix.  For weeks, I've trying to ween myself ontot he gum & could not do it until all these folks began to pray for me.

It is an awesome feeling, having my hands free.  I have many "Ah-ha!" moments when I catch myslef looking for my battery charger, reaching for my e-cig at work and it isn't there.  This really was the work of God & I believe He'll deliver me from the drug completely in His own time, when He knows I am ready.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Deliverance?

I sent this email to many friends & posting to the forum today:

Dear friends,
I was putting off this email because I was a little ashamed.  I have been spending a lot of time with God, in the word and asking everyone I know to pray for me to quit this nicotine addiction. 

First of all, I'd like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your prayers, encouragement and kind words.  Saturday was a little rough (just ask my husband!).  Sometime in the evening, I noticed two pieces of nicotine gum on the bathroom counter.  Not sure why I didn't notice them earlier, or why I hadn't put them away, but I gave in.  Today, I've been chewing nicotine gum all day.

I was ashamed of this, embarrassed, depressed and I'll admit, a little angry at God because others seem to get zapped instantly and delivered.  And the thought came into my mind that I know of so many Christians who smoked for years & years and are now quit, but hooked on nicotine gum or lozenge.  But this is not about them, I told myself. 

However, I do believe I have had a breakthrough.  When I quit smoking a year ago, I went to the electronic cigarette and held it in my hand for just about every minuet of the day.  I never thought I'd be able to put it down for good.  When I first started asking for people to pray for me, the e-cig began burning my throat.  That just never happens!  Near the end of this past week, I could barely inhale from it; it made me feel like I was suffocating.

By Friday, I was gladly chewing gum because my e-cig was so intolerable.  Here is my breakthough.  Today, I was cleaning out my purse, removing the e-cig spare parts that I always carry, putting away my main device into a drawer and I did not even have the slightest temptation to use it.

For over a year that gadget has been glued to my hand.  My doctor was urging me to quit because we are not sure yet if I have emphysema.  I credit all this to your prayers and to God, who in a way, did "zap" me and delivered me from inhaling more harmful substances.  I know I can jump this gum hurdle too.  I don't know of God's plan for me, of His timing, but I am thankful He has given me friends like you and for actually showing me the power of prayer.

I'm not sure that I ever truly believed in the power of prayer.  I'd been praying to quit smoking since I was 20 years old.  Now I have seen and felt what it can do.  I have decided that instead of being ashamed, I can proud that God delivered me from another harmful inhalation and that in His time and with prayer, He will deliver me from the drug completely.

I thank you all for everything!
Your sister in Christ,
Misty