Heart Wrenching, Gut Wrenching

This long holiday weekend hasn't been going well.  Friday close to 5pm I had called the shelter in Waco and told them we were coming from Temple and hopefully we could make it by 6pm, closing time.  This would have been a great time for the lady to explain to me that they stop adoptions at 5:30 except she didn't say anything.  I figured most people knew it was a 30 minuet drive.  Due to a wreck, or two, we were stuck on the interstate for half an hour, pretty much just sitting there.  I called the shelter to see if the puppy Shawn had viewed on their website was still available.  This was when the woman told me about the 5:30 thing.  Sigh.

Later that night, Shawn lost a brand new month old filling.  It came out while munching on some pizza.  Sigh.  The next morning we traveled back to Waco.  A lot of these dogs are brought in from the streets and some, you could play like a xylophone.  I cried several times and for pretty much the entire duration of the visit.  I wanted to take home each and every one of these dogs and feed them raw steaks until they were fat like pigs.

The puppy was held by a foster family.  Once I explained that we were from Temple, had no idea of our way around Waco, Susan, the foster mother, volunteered to come to the shelter.  Shawn held the puppy and Susan explained that normally the dog is playful but has been docile.  Her fur has been falling out and flaking up.  Shawn stroked this pitiful thing as Susan told a worker she'd like to see the vet; this dog had developed pustules that were getting bigger.  "At first, they looked like ant bites, but they're getting bigger," Susan explained. 

She opened up the dog's hind legs and revealed some very horrible and large blister-looking, pus filled nodules.  I whispered to Shawn that maybe he ought to hand the dog back before he gets too attached.  We were also concerned about taking this infection home to our own little wee one.  The vet appeared concerned, told Susan to keep an eye on everything and in an emergency situation, advised her where to take the puppy.  Since she was the foster, she had the say on where this dog went.  If she felt like we were bad people, she could turn us down.  She decided to hold the dog until everyone knew what was wrong with her and took our phone number. 

One one of Shawn's smoke breaks, I explained to Susan, very briefly, what we had recently been through and we were not prepared to go through that again so soon.  Yes, the puppy was adorable, but the vet pointed out green drainage from the puppy's nose (which to me spells out infection) and the dog had watery eyes, something that wasn't happening before all this started.  Neither of us expected this poor dog to be getting well any time soon.  We decided to put it of our minds and try to forget the whole thing.

I must have cried half way home.  Too many memories were floating in my head, too many sad, hungry dogs, and too many that were so friendly and cute you'd want to take them all with you.  We made a couple more stops, the last being at our local shelter.  Dogs ran up to me with wagging tails and stopped at their own gates.  This made me tear up.  In the last cage was an beautiful boxer, solid white with crystal blue eyes and an injury on the top of his head.  A small flap of skin hung off a newly healing gash.  This made me tear up.  I worker brought in a bulldog, a nylon rope around its neck and dragged the dog to a cage.  Everything inside of me screamed out but I was so emotional I said nothing.  The hair on the bulldog's neck was rubbed away from the rope, or a previous owner's rope.  PICK HIM UP!! I wanted to shout.

We walked out into the parking lot, with myself now crying freely.  Shawn said it will be hard to find something specific in shelters.  I told him it's very hard emotionally.  I think we were done for the day.  I made dinner and pretty much did nothing the rest of the day.  I was sucked dry, drained, exhausted.  All over again.

Mom said a cousin of ours might have a list of notable breeders.  I don't know if I'm up for anymore heart ache this weekend.  Mom checked her newspaper and told me of a breeder in a neighboring town.  I wrote down the number and price but neither of is called.  I think we were both just wiped out completely.  I cannot speak for Shawn but after leaving the Waco shelter, I felt like my soul was broke in two.

I told him I wasn't ready for this.