You Have GOT to be Kidding Me!

Today was interesting.  After an hour on the clock I told Terry, "Just so we're clear, nothing's gonna change between us just because you tattled on me."

Terry, who is big and dumb didn't quite understand at first.  "Huh?  Who tattled?"

I walked away & went to work in my area.  He came over several minuets later (I guess he had to think real hard about it) and said that if I wasn't a woman he would have gotten fired that day "with the way that you talked to me!"  (You see, he deserves respect simply because he's a man and I'm a lowly woman.  I don't have a complex or anything, it's just the way things are sometimes with some people.  Ask Allan about it sometime)

Some things I thought of too late after the fact:
"That's mighty strong words coming from a tattle tell."
"You call me when you have a dog that lives longer than 6 months & I'll give you the respect that you so clearly deserve."
"Dude, I would kick your ass!  Let's go!  Come on!"

What I said:  "If I wasn't at work I would've gotten REAL serious!"
Terry began speaking but I never heard the words that came out of his mouth.  Everything I said from the very beginning came out mono-toned and very calm.  "I don't think we have any reason to ever communicate again, Terry," I said calmly not once ever looking up from my work.  He could've been a voice floating in the air for all I know.

"Man, I don't even WANT to talk to you!" he stammered.  I pictured a child kicking the dirt and screaming, "We're not friends anymore!"

Calmly, without looking up; Terry STILL talking, I stated, "I'm done Terry, I am so done."  I may have said it more than once or twice.  I really didn't catch what he was saying because I was telling him how done I was.  He walked away and that was it.

Terry has been on the job for something like 4 years now.  Truthfully, he should be fine without my holding his hand all the time and catching all the things he'd forgotten.  We'll see.  We certainly will see.

I now, finally have learned my place.  If I had a dick and balls, I am quite certain things would be different with Allan.  "That's Allan's baby," said one coworker referring to Terry.  Another said, "Terry can do no wrong."

I'm starting to believe that what's Allan believes.  However, Allan still sees a need for Terry and I to communicate "in case he might have a question".  It's been over 4 years.  Terry should know how to wash the damn clothes by now.

And by the way, I COULD have kicked his ass if necessary.  He's big and slow and dumb.  That's a fatal combination in my neighborhood, last I checked.  (I'm small and feisty and also, I fight dirty)

Really?

How dare you say you understand I'm under a lot of pressure?  I don't think you could even begin to have a clue.  Look, I"m real sorry that I didn't go to college and take a psychology course (a hundred years ago) and therefore think I understand how people work.  And I'm real sorry I don't have the balls to walk around telling everyone in my path "don't throw stones!"  And I'm real sorry I don't measure up to Terry, who by the way when was hired I couldn't tell is he was stoned or stupid.  Looks like I was wrong on both accounts.  He's just a big baby.

If you listen real close, you'll occasionaly hear Martha and me screaming at each other.  Though neither one of us runs tot he boss and tells on each other.  I'm SO sorry I wasn't acting "like an adult" for a couple of minuets but that shit happens down stairs practically every day.  Too bad you're not around to witness it all.  How conveinent it must be to just wait for Terry to tell it on somebody.

I hope you don't lose any sleep over my mouth.  My mouth and my attitude is exactly why I'm alive today.  I'm sorry we can't all be like you, all laid back and cool.  There might be fewer wars.  I'm sorry you don't understand what it's like to go through a Ramen noodle period.  I'm talking about having Ramen noodles & rice for months, not because you have a cold or because it's cold.  I'm sorry I didn't have my life all planned and laid out for me.  Then maybe I'd be just as laid back and cool.  Then maybe when Terry does something to piss me off I could turn a blind eye.

I'm not doing the things he forgets anymore.  I'm not picking up his slack.  I seriously doubt you'll talk to him just like you never talked to Jennifer.  You have certain ones you have NO problem speaking to and others...well they can ignore the bathroom trash even though their paid to take it out and that's OK by you.  Must be so nice to be so laid back and cool, huh?

Terry and I do not need to communicate.  Martha and I stopped speaking several years ago and the store still thrives.  The only reason Terry and I would need to communicate is because I do a decent portion (even though he gets more per hour) of his damn job.  I'm done.  Terry can do his own damn job.  I have never once had him ask me if I need help, even when I was sick with a cold or vomiting slightly.  Terry is gonna do the minimum required and nothing extra.  I'm not doing that shit anymore.  If that's me "causing problems", well I;m sorry about that.  Maybe you shouldn't have hired such a dumb baby.

I don't need this.  I don't need to be condescended on anymore.  You act as if I am the ONLY ONE who occasionally acts out or has these wretched feelings about Terry.  Go ahead.  I dare you.  Ask anyone.  He's lazy and dumb.  He leaves chicken bones on the table.  He sets the washer to longest cycle ON PURPOSE for 4 shirts EVERY SINGLE TIME!  He has helped tag maybe twice, ever.  Usually he just stands there and watches the rest of us work.  He's real good at that.  He speaks in two words--even you know that.  "Some pants."
 
WHAT ABOUT SOME PANTS?  WHAT?!!!
 You have no idea what it's like working with him when you're not the one signing the paychecks.  NO IDEA!  I could get more comprehension and work ethic out of my 12 year old nephew.   I can't wait to get out of here.  I never hated my job so much until Terry was hired.  Never!  Now I've reached my breaking point.  You pretty much set that line for me the other day.  The day I walk out will be the last time I ever set foot on property again.  Oh, and by the way, I didn't realize I was causing so many problems to begin with.  My bad.

Decision Making

Saturday you asked me if I was mad at you.  "Because of all this...."
I shook my head and said nothing because the thoughts in my head are really mean & hurtful.

You just make bad decisions.  Every time I pass that pile of metal in the backyard it reminds me that we could be $330 richer.  But the shed was on sale & you just had to have it.  And all you managed to accomplish was to open the box, lose the instructions and leave it there in the yard, in a pile, to rot for 3 years.

Every time I drive down Ave. M. I am reminded how we lost $1800 on that lease along with over $200 on the insurance policy for the location.

Your dad left you $40,000 in a life insurance policy and you gave it to your mom who gave it to your siblings (!!!!!) little by little.  And now she's broke.

And now we're broke and up to our eyeballs in debt.

When you first mentioned opening a store I cried because I didn't want the hassle, the cost, the dealings with people.  I cried because I would have been happy to sit at home and make juice.  I cried because I knew IT DID NOT MATTER what I wanted or how I felt about it.  I cried because I knew we would most definitely be opening a store.  And now we're broke and up to our eyeballs in debt.

I do 100% of everything at home; I pick up after you daily; I have a day job and I do 100% of everything you ask/tell me to do.  And yet I get blamed for WET PAINT, BROKEN PLASTIC, AND BOLTS THAT WON'T GO INTO THE FLOOR!!!!  You scream at me as if I have sabotaged these things when all I've ever done is everything you've asked/told me to do.  No one has ever made me cry as much as you have.

You say you do all this for me, to give me a better life and yet all you've ever done is drive us further into debt as though it were a hobby, hurt my feelings, and raise the stress levels through the roof.

I think you do all this for you.  It has NEVER mattered what I wanted.  And now we're broke and up to our eyeballs in debt.

I am nothing that I wanted to be.  I am nothing like the person that I hoped to be by this time in my life because I have been to damn busy doing everything that you wanted to do and what you decided to do.  Maybe for once, just once, you ought to listen my opinions and decisions.  You have to over ride even the tiniest of suggestions! 

If you'll recall, I never wanted to open a store.  And now, if everything works out alright, I get to do everything around the house, keep my day job and spend every waking minuet making & peddling juice.

I wanted to be writer.  But that never interested you.