Wednesday, July 4, 2012

The Proverbial Let 'Em Have It

You can't walk up to a junkie and say, "Stop being a loser."  It won't do any good.  As much as I want to, I can't do that.  I'm not a trouble maker, I'm no shit starter.
At least, that's what I tell myself.
No matter what others' opinions may be.

It's not like this person grew up in the ghetto or anything.  This person had a nice home, a good family--the kind you read about in books.  It's hard to watch this person destroy everything around them, including their neglected family.  It's hard to watch an actual train wreck.  You know there's nothing you can do.  How does one person stop a full sized train?

And the funny thing is, you know this train is grounded, was well built, and is riding along on a secure track.  Somewhere along the way, the wheels must have hit a rock and somehow gotten off track.  It shakes and rattles, shaking and rattling all its passengers along the way.

I want to take the train by the throat and shake it!  See what you are doing to yourself and everyone who loves you.  They don't even love you as much as they once did because of what you have done!  Take care of your passengers and your own self before you lose everything you hold dear!  But you no longer care about everything you once held dear.  You are so far gone, you've forgotten your very role in life.

If only it were so easy to be a train.  A crew could come along and clean up this horrible mess, take it away, never to be seen again.

I was seething on the way to work.  I'd finally allowed myself to reflect on it all after repressing it for many days.  My hands shook as I gripped the steering wheel and my foot pressed harder into the acceleration pedal.  Once again, as I always do, I went over and over and over and over and over in my head what I could say and do.  I did what I always do:  I stewed.

What would Jesus do?
I have not the foggiest clue.  I could ask Him, but I never hear anything back.  Years ago, I could not imagine this happening to someone so close to me, someone I love so much, yet dislike so much as well.

What would Jesus do, indeed.
If I allow myself to think on it, I suppose He would be loving, forgiving, always praying.

That's not in my nature, I don't think.  My first, natural reaction is to become very angry.  And as to not upset those around me, to not break others' hearts, I keep my mouth shut.  After all, if talking was going help this person, it wouldn't be necessary to do so now, today.

God gets angry.  It's an emotion He put in us.  We are made in His image.  I suppose God is more capable of controlling His anger than I am.  On the other hand, He does intend to destroy the entire planet at some point, one sinner at a time.

I don't understand why I know all these things.  What am I supposed to do with all of this hurtful information?  I worry, I get angry, I feel frustrated.

I feel that is all I can do because I do not have the power to save this person.  I put it out of my mind and go one with life.  I pray this person will lose everything because maybe that will make them see, open their eyes, and finally, FINALLY hit a true Rock Bottom.

It will either make or break this person.  I worry about this person breaking.  But if it would make this person, how sweet it could be for everyone involved.

Of course my negative nature fears it would break them and everyone around them, including me and all those I hold close.

Jesus.  What should I do?

Sunday, July 1, 2012

The Best Things In Life Are Free

About once a month I buy a Quick Pick for the big lottery draw.  The next day, I am not shocked that I haven't won 11 million dollars, and yet stupidly, seriously disappointed.  I know money cannot buy happiness.  I mean, look at Paris Hilton, born into gobs of money and she looks very unhappy.  You never see the poor thing smile, ever.  I am very aware, however of the fact that money like that could buy me out of the things that make me unhappy.  Job, bills, money concerns.  And that's enough to keep me buying my once monthly lotto ticket.




Ignorance is Bliss Part 968

Why do people keep telling me things I do not want to hear?  The first thing, months ago, was a necessity.  This person REALLY need to tell someone trustworthy.  I get that.  I cannot fix it, but I can listen.  Sometimes, that is all one can do, sometimes it is all that is asked.

This new thing involves someone's marriage and I do not want to get involved.  At all!  Yes, from the outside, I can see the obvious problems but it is not my place to intervene.  I cannot fix this problem.  One person is hurting watching the other person hurt and is also afraid this person is insanely depressed. 

What am I supposed to do?!  Sometimes I think I might be happier on a deserted island, ignorant to everything that goes on in the world of humans.  I can't fix this marriage, I cannot offer advice (or my head might be chopped off) and I cannot console this person speaking to me about it because I have nothing to offer.

I told this person to offer as much support as possible to the person we are concerned for.  These people probably will not go to counseling.  And should you suggest it, you'd be screamed at like the Queen of Hearts.  "Off with her head!"

I'm no therapist.  All I can do is listen.  And sometimes that's enough.

Sometimes it isn't.