I don't even know how this all happened. I didn't even know I had the balls. When you talk back to your boss, no matter how secure the job is, there's always that thought in the back of your mind, "You could get fired!" And that's why I held back so much yesterday, I think. Also I was so friggin' angry all I wanted to do was cry & I hate crying because that really isn't a side of myself that I want to show.
That thought that supposed to be in the back of mind? Wasn't there today. I just totally unloaded on my boss.
Allan staretd off by trying to talk to me & I wasn't having that. He asked if I was still mad at him. I kept silent, maybe I made a face. "I look the reason I had to ask you if you were on drugs--"
"WHY DO KEEP TRYING TO TALK ABOUT THIS? CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE IT ALONE?!"
Not that I was screaming. Let's say my voice had become....quite raised. At this point, Terry had vanished with such success that it were as though he had ceased to exist. Smart man. Knows what the wrath of a woman can accomplish.
There was a lot of back and forth. Allan kept calm, I kept my voice, um, raised. I was collected though, with articulated thoughts. I wasn't childish or nasty. I was proud of myself and I guess that comes with practice. Lots and lots of practice. I've practiced a LOT since getting married. Ha, ha.
I had explained to Allan about the blouse, how the woman's clothes all had old stains on them, how it came out of a forty pound load & was the only one with dye transfer & that's why I kind of "blew it off". It was now that a little truth came out.
"Jennifer said the stain was not there when she took it in," Allan said calmly.
Ah, ha.
"Well, Jennifer is mistaken! They don't pay attention to anything up there! They take in a hundred white shirts, miss things, and even when the computer tells them to put something in dry cleaning to come to me first, THEY DON'T DO IT!!"
"You're right and that's why I'm going to talk to Jennifer--"
"And the stain was there when it came in. 'We' didn't do it. I didn't do it!"
Allan uses the words "we" and "us" a lot so I found it imperative to state 'I'. This went on for a while, actually. And it wasn't so much what came out of my mouth, but the tone I used. Allan knew I was pissed & not only because he asked if I were on drugs and I told him so, that it was "because of this whole situation".
After that, slowly and steadily I just began to feel so much better. Part of it may be due to a couple things that happened, but honestly I felt like a load had been taken off my chest. Angel, who does alterations and mending came in early with a huge peach cobbler, fresh from the oven & still warm. How did she remember our conversation about peach cobblers a month ago?
Terry & I bolted to the break room and immediately placed a large dent in the cobbler. There was a small envelope on top of the paper plates. "What's this?" I asked Angel. "Just a card," she replied.
The Lord's love never ends; His mercies never stop...They are new every morning. Lamentations 3:22, 23 Just a reminder that you are in God's care and my prayers today. Happy Birthday, Misty --Angel
"AW!!! I needed that!" I said.
"Everybody needs a little life now & then," Angel replied.
"I need a few!" The back of my eyeballs stung & I hugged Angel, saying "Thank you!" And that is a big deal because I am not a hugger.
As Terry & I dug into the cobbler, I told him it might be coincidence but I thought it was funny how he disappeared the second my voice got loud. "No, I did. I meant to leave," he said. We laughed over this. His wife probably taught him that. I made sure to tell Angel how good the cobbler was; I knew she was a bit self-concious due to using a new recipe. Of course I thanked her about a thousand times. I said to Terry over the cobbler how funny it was because I thought everyone hated me since I'm so mean all the time. We laughed again.
At work we do a dollar exchange on birthdays. Liz takes colored paper and writes HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAME! and pins it to your shirt & everyone give you a dollar, which you slip into the pin. The boss gives Terry $20 to get donuts. Now we have had donuts for every birthday for the entire six years that I've been there. Liz started five years before me & said it was always donuts. No one likes donuts anymore. In fact, we all kind of hate donuts now! So I suggested we order breakfast tacos from the taqueria down the street, 3 for $1.99 and use the $20 for that. It was a major hit and apparently I've started something. The villagers are restless!
Something else happened. From almost every single person there, I received $2 instead of $1. This stems back to the Christmas party of 2009. Shawn & I were the second employees to arrive & no one sat with us. Rebecca & her man sat with us, only because they were the very last to arrive & there were no more seats. I took it personally, though I am sure nothing was meant by it. For many months though, I harbored some bitterness over it. I didn't go this past Christmas, still stung by getting passed over, even though Jackie egged me on to go. She went on for so long, I eventually told her I'd be there even though I had no intention of going. And apparently I missed it because I was told Allan got a little tipsy & teary eyed.
It wasn't the fact that I got an extra dollar from most people, but the gesture that it provided. I know I am loud, outspoken, annoying, and have a tremendous attitude that I wear on my sleeve. But on the other, I do cause a lot of laughter because I like to make people laugh, even if it's at my own expense. That gesture really meant a lot to me. Allan usually gives $5 to the birthday celebrater; today he gave me $10. I guess he feels like an ass.
Throughout the day, Allan made very small attempts at conversation & I made it pretty obvious I wasn't interested. I asked Liz why he kept doing that. "I guess he feels bad that you're not 'friends' now & needs everything to be OK. He's always like that."
"I'm not a lamp! I need time to cool off, just leave me alone. Every single person that works here knows that--Terry knows that!"
Yep, if you've just been hired, I'll tell ya flat out that if I have a problem with you, I'll come & tell you. But if you've really pushed my buttons, just leave me alone & I'll come to you. Just let me chill out. Shawn learned that the hard way. No, I think he still has not learned that to the fullest.
Allan has pushed my buttons before & I can remember him doing the same thing. I wanna tell him "Just don't talk to me!" But I can see that he's trying and I've got only one more day till Happy Super Terrific Fun Vacation Time. When I come back, I'll be more chill.
Casey said that thirty is the new twenty. "I thought it was that forty was the new thirty," I replied.
"And twenty is the new thirteen!" she said.
So true. But at least at twenty you've not yet developed lines on your face no matter how much you smoked. I need some more nicotine gum....
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Stupid Job Makes Me Fat
I decided to get ice cream. The 7-11 down from our house must have known I was coming because right at my short eye level was a pint of Twix ice cream. I didn't even know they made that! Heaven will have bathtubs filled with chocolate & caramel and rivers of cheesecake & you can just dive right in as waffle cone birds fly overhead & you can reach out, grab one and eat it. But I digress.
Shawn went to school, I took a hot shower & chowed down on my ice cream. Best stuff in the world. Needs more crunchy cookie balls & caramel though. Just a scotch.
760 calories, 40 grams of fat and 72 grams of sugar. Stress is keeping me in the "Before" picture stage. Sigh.
Tomorrow's gonna be hell.
PS what kind of serving suggestion is half a cup? Is that some kind of cruel joke? Who eats only a half cup of ice cream?
The short answer? Happy people. Self-controlled people. People with a sense of purpose.
Phbt! None of those people even need ice cream. I need ice cream.
And yes, I do feel better.
Shawn went to school, I took a hot shower & chowed down on my ice cream. Best stuff in the world. Needs more crunchy cookie balls & caramel though. Just a scotch.
760 calories, 40 grams of fat and 72 grams of sugar. Stress is keeping me in the "Before" picture stage. Sigh.
Tomorrow's gonna be hell.
PS what kind of serving suggestion is half a cup? Is that some kind of cruel joke? Who eats only a half cup of ice cream?
The short answer? Happy people. Self-controlled people. People with a sense of purpose.
Phbt! None of those people even need ice cream. I need ice cream.
And yes, I do feel better.
Checked Out
Yesterday Rebecca brought me a shirt & I told her all that lady's stuff had been washed & bleached & go ahead & press it. My boss, Allan was right there piddling with something & didn't think much of it. The next morning, the blouse was hung in my area.
After I had been clocked in for approximately 10 minuets, Allan said he'd like to see me upstairs. He brought up the shirt & how it had dye transfer on it, how it seemed like I just "check out" at the end of the day, how something going out like this could drive away customers forever, etc, etc.
At one point, I attempted to interrupt, but he stopped me. I could have told him that Miss Lasseter's clothes were all white and all filthy, that they all had old stains on them. I wanted to tell him how the dye transfer was not my doing--in forty pounds of white & cream color clothes, how could something bleed onto this one blouse but nothing else?
Allan had already made up his mind I think. I began to become agitated as he just went on & on as he always does. I was just...angry. I could feel the backs of my eyeballs sting & admonished myself. I began to tear up & hated myself it. I didn't feel like crying! I wanted to hit the wall, I wanted to hit Allan. He just kept droning on! And I was really wanting a cigarette for the first time in months. He stopped & asked me a question. I don't know where this came from, I just blurted out, "I'm crying because I'm sleep deprived!"
I wasn't. I had a few nights where I'd gotten to bed a bit later than I intended and was a little fatigued but it just came out of my mouth. Allan asked why; I said I hadn't slept in 3 night. This led to the astonishing and shocking roundabout questioning of whether or not I was on drugs.
Seriously! Me! Of all people. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way....But do you have any habits I should be aware of?" Allan asked.
"What do you mean by habits?" I asked with a hint of nastiness behind it. He further explained because of how drugs have affected his family, blah, blah, blah and so forth...
"I smoked pot in high school, I smoked cigarettes for 13 years and I've been drunk 2 or 3 times in my entire life, so NO, I do not have any habits!"
How insulting. First of all, since so many in his family and one of my former co-workers was on meth, you'd think he might know how to recognize someone who's on the drug. He said he asked because I'm always moving so fast, then have days where I'm dragging. And he said repeatedly that he "had to ask".
No you didn't.
How insulting. Maybe I'm moving fast because I'm going behind others doing their jobs because they're flapping their yap too much, or in Terry's case, because he forgot. Terry doesn't even know how much I help him because he forgets everything. I'm moving fast to get caught up, to help press so I can get the hell out of here! I'm moving fast, not to impress you, but because others are milking the clock & I don't want to spend my every waking moment in this place.
I didn't say any of this to him. I was seething & afraid I might begin to sob uncontrollably because I had no where to put this anger. So, so angry. I stood up and said, "I made a mistake, it won't happen again!" And I walked out, already 10 minuets behind in my work.
Maybe he ought to ask Jennifer about the customer, Mrs. Costellanto about & how she left me a $10 tip (the 1st time ever, that I know of at least) for me because of the work I did on her clothes, how she told Jennifer it seemed like I take pride in my work. Maybe he should ask about Neil Phillips who was pleasantly shocked that he did not have to bring back his naval uniforms because they got to him with the proper military creases. And do you know they got the proper creases? Because they came through me first, that's why.
Maybe Allan ought to look at how I take care of every order, every supply delivery, lift things that are too heavy for me, take out the trash, clean piss from the toilet seat several times a day, pick up after grown adults, take of thousands of things that not quote, unquote My Job. Maybe he ought to think about the hundreds of daily I Don't Care Moments actually happen around here, even including my one that he just happen to see.
Looking back, I think when I did start to tear up, he had asked if I was unhappy with the job, burnt out, etc. Maybe that's what finally did it. I've been wanting to quit for a very, very long time. But this is not what he wanted to hear and I have no where else to go at the moment. Allan, who took a pshycology course a hundred years ago in college (and is SO very proud of that) that he always wants to play therapist. Look, you're my boss, not my therapist and no, I don't feel like sharing, thank you very much. He didn't want to hear the truth so I told him what I thought he might like to hear.
The more I thought about everything, the angrier I became. I was determined to feel better today, mentally and physically. And he ruined it within 10 minuets. I guess his pshycology professor didn't mention it better to chew out an employee at the end of the day. Christina had a problem with a press & asked me to get Allan. I trudged back upstairs, opened the door, told Allan about the press. "Oh and do me a favor," I seethed. "Don't ever ask me again if I'm on drugs."
After Allan finished with the press, he said he was sorry if I took offense (who would be offended?!) and it's something he had to ask (no, you really do not!) and he didn't want me to take it personally (well, you wouldn't, would you?) and as typical Allan often does, went on longer than he needed to (just go away!) and made me madder and madder with each sound that flitted out of his mouth. I said nothing. I didn't even want to look at him. Checked out? On drugs? You got some friggin' nerve!
One of the girls in Assembly had called in and this led to a lot indirect contact with Allan as he filled in for the gal. I never looked him in the eye, not once. If I absolutely had to respond, it was one-worded, turn around, go back to what I was doing.
I took the white blouse with the dye transfer, soaked it, bleached it, ran it with dye stripper, again. It did no good. The stain remained because I'd done this process six months before, again yesterday. But Allan was convinced that I didn't care and had "checked out" because it was the end of the day. Heaven forbid Allan should think I wasn't doing my job, so in the end I left the blouse hanging there. He can deal with it next week if he wants while I'm on vacation.
Around mid morning, my mom came by with a small potted flower. Allan was working the front counter so Liz could go take a break. Mom recognized this & kept her visit very short. I was still extremely angry from earlier and my mood probably glowed from my body language. "I was going to get you an orchid but they were all out," Mom said.
"You didn't have to do anything but thank you," I replied.
"We'll see you Saturday?"
She hugged me, told me she loved me and I went back to work. I was pressing while everyone else was on break so I had the whole back half of the building to myself. Allan appeared exactly right next to me as he is a known close-talker. I stepped on his foot, in fact, as I went to place my foot on a press pedal. "Is everything (stop talking) alright, I really OK? I saw that you're mom brought flowers....(My birthday is tomorrow, dummy) Gosh, I feel like kind of a jerk (Good!) for making accusations earlier." I never looked up, I just kept pressing. "Well, if there's a problem or anything you want to talk--blah blah, blah, blah, blah, going on forever and ever and I'm growing old here......
"I'm fine."
The rest of the day kind of went on like that. Soon as I would calmed down, Allan would have to say something to me. I don't know why. Oh, at some point in our morning chewing out Allan said to me, "You're one the highest paid here for a reason." Gee, that makes me feel really good because I'm making like what, two dollars above minimum wage? I feel so much better now and so very eager to get back to work.
At some point I grabbed Liz and hissed in her ear, "He needs to stop talking to me!" and as I rolled myself through the tool room, I said a little louder than necessary, "And apparently I'm on meth now!"
"By who? Your mom?" Liz asked with a stupid look on her face.
I shook my head and mouthed silently, "Allan".
Liz's face looked like she'd opened a closet and a scary clown jumped out at her. "WHAT?!"
I gotta get out of this place. It's freezing cold in the winter, scorching hot in the summer and dirty year round. Allan doesn't listen to me. I know enough of him by now to tell when he's made up his mind about something and to just give up on arguing. In fact, it was only last week I told him solvent was leaking from the drying. OH NO! he said. That's water--it's condensation! That has got to be water because it's so hot! Mmm-hmm. A week later I had huge puddle of solvent on the floor.
This is pretty much how EVERY conversation goes between us. I've argued that saving the pressers a little time here or there & leaving it for Assembly would be beneficial. You want the pressers out of there; that's six people on the clock! And after they leave, I can shut down the boiler, the air compressor, the fans, the lights--saving more money! But no, we don't want to give Assembly more to do that would be blasphemy! Never mind that it's 125 degrees or better in August where the pressers are, but as long as we don't put anything extra on Assembly---whatever, dude. I been over there and they ain't laboring. They may be working but they sure as hell are not laboring like the pressers.
It took me months--months!--to convince him that 1.5 gallons of detergent at Sam's or Wal-Mart was much cheaper than the $9, 1 gallon jugs of detergent we were getting from our supplier. I said, You're going to Sam's anyway, get a basic laundry detergent and save money. It was about three or four months before he actually did this.
You know what? I'm not wasting any more of my time or precious energy on trying to help him save money or energy. Forget it. I'm done. I have officially checked out.
After I had been clocked in for approximately 10 minuets, Allan said he'd like to see me upstairs. He brought up the shirt & how it had dye transfer on it, how it seemed like I just "check out" at the end of the day, how something going out like this could drive away customers forever, etc, etc.
At one point, I attempted to interrupt, but he stopped me. I could have told him that Miss Lasseter's clothes were all white and all filthy, that they all had old stains on them. I wanted to tell him how the dye transfer was not my doing--in forty pounds of white & cream color clothes, how could something bleed onto this one blouse but nothing else?
Allan had already made up his mind I think. I began to become agitated as he just went on & on as he always does. I was just...angry. I could feel the backs of my eyeballs sting & admonished myself. I began to tear up & hated myself it. I didn't feel like crying! I wanted to hit the wall, I wanted to hit Allan. He just kept droning on! And I was really wanting a cigarette for the first time in months. He stopped & asked me a question. I don't know where this came from, I just blurted out, "I'm crying because I'm sleep deprived!"
I wasn't. I had a few nights where I'd gotten to bed a bit later than I intended and was a little fatigued but it just came out of my mouth. Allan asked why; I said I hadn't slept in 3 night. This led to the astonishing and shocking roundabout questioning of whether or not I was on drugs.
Seriously! Me! Of all people. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way....But do you have any habits I should be aware of?" Allan asked.
"What do you mean by habits?" I asked with a hint of nastiness behind it. He further explained because of how drugs have affected his family, blah, blah, blah and so forth...
"I smoked pot in high school, I smoked cigarettes for 13 years and I've been drunk 2 or 3 times in my entire life, so NO, I do not have any habits!"
How insulting. First of all, since so many in his family and one of my former co-workers was on meth, you'd think he might know how to recognize someone who's on the drug. He said he asked because I'm always moving so fast, then have days where I'm dragging. And he said repeatedly that he "had to ask".
No you didn't.
How insulting. Maybe I'm moving fast because I'm going behind others doing their jobs because they're flapping their yap too much, or in Terry's case, because he forgot. Terry doesn't even know how much I help him because he forgets everything. I'm moving fast to get caught up, to help press so I can get the hell out of here! I'm moving fast, not to impress you, but because others are milking the clock & I don't want to spend my every waking moment in this place.
I didn't say any of this to him. I was seething & afraid I might begin to sob uncontrollably because I had no where to put this anger. So, so angry. I stood up and said, "I made a mistake, it won't happen again!" And I walked out, already 10 minuets behind in my work.
Maybe he ought to ask Jennifer about the customer, Mrs. Costellanto about & how she left me a $10 tip (the 1st time ever, that I know of at least) for me because of the work I did on her clothes, how she told Jennifer it seemed like I take pride in my work. Maybe he should ask about Neil Phillips who was pleasantly shocked that he did not have to bring back his naval uniforms because they got to him with the proper military creases. And do you know they got the proper creases? Because they came through me first, that's why.
Maybe Allan ought to look at how I take care of every order, every supply delivery, lift things that are too heavy for me, take out the trash, clean piss from the toilet seat several times a day, pick up after grown adults, take of thousands of things that not quote, unquote My Job. Maybe he ought to think about the hundreds of daily I Don't Care Moments actually happen around here, even including my one that he just happen to see.
Looking back, I think when I did start to tear up, he had asked if I was unhappy with the job, burnt out, etc. Maybe that's what finally did it. I've been wanting to quit for a very, very long time. But this is not what he wanted to hear and I have no where else to go at the moment. Allan, who took a pshycology course a hundred years ago in college (and is SO very proud of that) that he always wants to play therapist. Look, you're my boss, not my therapist and no, I don't feel like sharing, thank you very much. He didn't want to hear the truth so I told him what I thought he might like to hear.
The more I thought about everything, the angrier I became. I was determined to feel better today, mentally and physically. And he ruined it within 10 minuets. I guess his pshycology professor didn't mention it better to chew out an employee at the end of the day. Christina had a problem with a press & asked me to get Allan. I trudged back upstairs, opened the door, told Allan about the press. "Oh and do me a favor," I seethed. "Don't ever ask me again if I'm on drugs."
After Allan finished with the press, he said he was sorry if I took offense (who would be offended?!) and it's something he had to ask (no, you really do not!) and he didn't want me to take it personally (well, you wouldn't, would you?) and as typical Allan often does, went on longer than he needed to (just go away!) and made me madder and madder with each sound that flitted out of his mouth. I said nothing. I didn't even want to look at him. Checked out? On drugs? You got some friggin' nerve!
One of the girls in Assembly had called in and this led to a lot indirect contact with Allan as he filled in for the gal. I never looked him in the eye, not once. If I absolutely had to respond, it was one-worded, turn around, go back to what I was doing.
I took the white blouse with the dye transfer, soaked it, bleached it, ran it with dye stripper, again. It did no good. The stain remained because I'd done this process six months before, again yesterday. But Allan was convinced that I didn't care and had "checked out" because it was the end of the day. Heaven forbid Allan should think I wasn't doing my job, so in the end I left the blouse hanging there. He can deal with it next week if he wants while I'm on vacation.
Around mid morning, my mom came by with a small potted flower. Allan was working the front counter so Liz could go take a break. Mom recognized this & kept her visit very short. I was still extremely angry from earlier and my mood probably glowed from my body language. "I was going to get you an orchid but they were all out," Mom said.
"You didn't have to do anything but thank you," I replied.
"We'll see you Saturday?"
She hugged me, told me she loved me and I went back to work. I was pressing while everyone else was on break so I had the whole back half of the building to myself. Allan appeared exactly right next to me as he is a known close-talker. I stepped on his foot, in fact, as I went to place my foot on a press pedal. "Is everything (stop talking) alright, I really OK? I saw that you're mom brought flowers....(My birthday is tomorrow, dummy) Gosh, I feel like kind of a jerk (Good!) for making accusations earlier." I never looked up, I just kept pressing. "Well, if there's a problem or anything you want to talk--blah blah, blah, blah, blah, going on forever and ever and I'm growing old here......
"I'm fine."
The rest of the day kind of went on like that. Soon as I would calmed down, Allan would have to say something to me. I don't know why. Oh, at some point in our morning chewing out Allan said to me, "You're one the highest paid here for a reason." Gee, that makes me feel really good because I'm making like what, two dollars above minimum wage? I feel so much better now and so very eager to get back to work.
At some point I grabbed Liz and hissed in her ear, "He needs to stop talking to me!" and as I rolled myself through the tool room, I said a little louder than necessary, "And apparently I'm on meth now!"
"By who? Your mom?" Liz asked with a stupid look on her face.
I shook my head and mouthed silently, "Allan".
Liz's face looked like she'd opened a closet and a scary clown jumped out at her. "WHAT?!"
I gotta get out of this place. It's freezing cold in the winter, scorching hot in the summer and dirty year round. Allan doesn't listen to me. I know enough of him by now to tell when he's made up his mind about something and to just give up on arguing. In fact, it was only last week I told him solvent was leaking from the drying. OH NO! he said. That's water--it's condensation! That has got to be water because it's so hot! Mmm-hmm. A week later I had huge puddle of solvent on the floor.
This is pretty much how EVERY conversation goes between us. I've argued that saving the pressers a little time here or there & leaving it for Assembly would be beneficial. You want the pressers out of there; that's six people on the clock! And after they leave, I can shut down the boiler, the air compressor, the fans, the lights--saving more money! But no, we don't want to give Assembly more to do that would be blasphemy! Never mind that it's 125 degrees or better in August where the pressers are, but as long as we don't put anything extra on Assembly---whatever, dude. I been over there and they ain't laboring. They may be working but they sure as hell are not laboring like the pressers.
It took me months--months!--to convince him that 1.5 gallons of detergent at Sam's or Wal-Mart was much cheaper than the $9, 1 gallon jugs of detergent we were getting from our supplier. I said, You're going to Sam's anyway, get a basic laundry detergent and save money. It was about three or four months before he actually did this.
You know what? I'm not wasting any more of my time or precious energy on trying to help him save money or energy. Forget it. I'm done. I have officially checked out.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
The Why Of It All
For me it's important to understand the "why" of everything. I'm a figure-er-outter for sure. I've been using only egg whites for a while, but honestly thought it was just an extra hassle. What's wrong with the yellow? Is that where the cholesterol is?
I went through this with sweet potatoes and whole grains. Once I understood how these foods were processed in my stomach, in my body, in my blood, it made it easier to avoid sugar & fat. I began to understand why I feel so horrible after a Chinese buffet binge--which was never really very often at all but a fine example of mixing sugar, fat and waaaaaay too much of either.
One of my favorite websites:
http://nutritiondata.self.com
Type in a food--fresh, famous, packaged, whatever. Viola! Nutritional data, glycemic index info for those of you with diabetes, vitamin & nutrient info--you name it. And it's all very easy to look at.
I just scrambled up a few egg whites & was wondering why. I went to my fave site, typed in Egg Whites and a few minuets later looked up the info on plain old chicken eggs. And I was correct.
Upon my discovery that egg whites have virtually zero fat, I felt a little better about seasoning mine with full fat cheddar (is there any other kind?) But I thought I could also get creative and dump in some Ranch Yogurt. I'll put a pin in that. I sure do like cheese! And yes, the yellow of the egg is where the cholesterol is, and there's plenty to be had. Although a little is not a terrible thing as long as it's done in moderation.
I was skeptical the first time I tried egg whites. I figured there'd be no taste. Here's a neat little tip: IT TASTES EXACTLY THE SAME! And you can have a lot more of it, even allowing for the fine things in life such as full fat cheddar.
I went through this with sweet potatoes and whole grains. Once I understood how these foods were processed in my stomach, in my body, in my blood, it made it easier to avoid sugar & fat. I began to understand why I feel so horrible after a Chinese buffet binge--which was never really very often at all but a fine example of mixing sugar, fat and waaaaaay too much of either.
One of my favorite websites:
http://nutritiondata.self.com
Type in a food--fresh, famous, packaged, whatever. Viola! Nutritional data, glycemic index info for those of you with diabetes, vitamin & nutrient info--you name it. And it's all very easy to look at.
I just scrambled up a few egg whites & was wondering why. I went to my fave site, typed in Egg Whites and a few minuets later looked up the info on plain old chicken eggs. And I was correct.
Upon my discovery that egg whites have virtually zero fat, I felt a little better about seasoning mine with full fat cheddar (is there any other kind?) But I thought I could also get creative and dump in some Ranch Yogurt. I'll put a pin in that. I sure do like cheese! And yes, the yellow of the egg is where the cholesterol is, and there's plenty to be had. Although a little is not a terrible thing as long as it's done in moderation.
I was skeptical the first time I tried egg whites. I figured there'd be no taste. Here's a neat little tip: IT TASTES EXACTLY THE SAME! And you can have a lot more of it, even allowing for the fine things in life such as full fat cheddar.
Just Be Thankful
And it made me smile. I'd often considered moving the chair so I could place the bird cage there & our poor little cockatiel could get more direct sunlight. But I could never do that to poor Lucy. This is her job, her security. Once abused, neglected and starved, she has found her purpose in life. Now well fed, she protects this house and all who live here. Another purpose she has found is pure love. She is so in love with affection that if she doesn't get enough of it, she will remind you right smack dab in the middle of the room, on the carpet.
Small and skinny as she is, Lucy believes herself to be as big and mean as a Doberman. If a stranger, or even a friendly walks into that door, she will bark so hard that her entire four pound body lifts from the floor. She's ripped into strangers' pant legs and snarled at the cat, and yes, these things are aggravating but later on, it makes me smile. Just the image of her tiny self going after a 150 pound man will make you laugh and show you just how tough she can be.
I gazed at Lucy as she kept watch over our street and was almost overcome with gratefulness. I do not have any friends, but I have this little dog who, as often as she agitates me, as many times as she wakes me up at night because she snarling and snapping at the other pets, makes me smile. I am grateful for the oppurtunity to be able to smile.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
The Power of Greek Yogurt
Greek yogurt tastes JUST like sour cream. If you do not believe, buy one of those single serving cups and spread it on a fajita or baked potato.
I had a theory that Greek yogurt could be used in anything that calls for sour cream. I bought a small cup of fat free yogurt and a Hidden Valley Ranch seasoning packet. I sprinkled in half the Ranch and stirred in a bit of 2% milk.
WOW! It tasted exactly like that ranch chip dip that comes in a tub. It tastes so naughty I felt guilty for dipping Kashi crackers into it, one after another! Add a bit more milk for salad dressing; dip your healthy snacks into it--this is an amazing discovery!
I used to just stir in blueberries, honey and Splenda, but this takes Greek yogurt to a whole new level! Healthy tastes blah? I've been lied to and deceived all my life!
I had a theory that Greek yogurt could be used in anything that calls for sour cream. I bought a small cup of fat free yogurt and a Hidden Valley Ranch seasoning packet. I sprinkled in half the Ranch and stirred in a bit of 2% milk.
WOW! It tasted exactly like that ranch chip dip that comes in a tub. It tastes so naughty I felt guilty for dipping Kashi crackers into it, one after another! Add a bit more milk for salad dressing; dip your healthy snacks into it--this is an amazing discovery!
I used to just stir in blueberries, honey and Splenda, but this takes Greek yogurt to a whole new level! Healthy tastes blah? I've been lied to and deceived all my life!
The Power of Brown Rice
I think my earlier binge on potato chips is a perfect example of:
Have fat. Have sugar. But not together.
I probably would not have felt any worse if I'd eaten half a cake. Deep fried white potatoes; of course I felt extra lousy the next day! What was I thinking? (I was thinking the store was out of my cheese flavored popcorn AGAIN and other people get to eat what their little hearts desire....)
Yesterday I had brown rice that I had prepared the night before. I took 3/4 a cup of rice, added 1 1/2 cups water, covered the bowl with foil and baked at 375 for one hour.
I added pesto, garlic, pepper.
When I was able to sit & eat, a coworker joined me with his BBQ chicken and began to chat as though it were a lovely Sunday afternoon. As we chatted, I ate my rice slowly, talking in between bites. Next thing I knew, my little Gladware container was empty! I only meant to eat half!
I was pretty stuffed. I wasn't so full that I wanted to roll over and nap. I was able to finish the work day and grab some groceries on the way home. Once home, I didn't eat at all! I felt a little hungry so I had a few Kashi crackers in my ranch yogurt concoction (see next post). Later, even though I was not hungry, I ate a salad made of romaine lettuce.
The brown rice not only made me stuffed, but it pretty much kept me stuffed. This is all coming from someone who ate nothing but packaged foods, Rice-a-Roni, chips, packaged cookies...a junk food junkie! Imagine that.
Have fat. Have sugar. But not together.
I probably would not have felt any worse if I'd eaten half a cake. Deep fried white potatoes; of course I felt extra lousy the next day! What was I thinking? (I was thinking the store was out of my cheese flavored popcorn AGAIN and other people get to eat what their little hearts desire....)
Yesterday I had brown rice that I had prepared the night before. I took 3/4 a cup of rice, added 1 1/2 cups water, covered the bowl with foil and baked at 375 for one hour.
I added pesto, garlic, pepper.
When I was able to sit & eat, a coworker joined me with his BBQ chicken and began to chat as though it were a lovely Sunday afternoon. As we chatted, I ate my rice slowly, talking in between bites. Next thing I knew, my little Gladware container was empty! I only meant to eat half!
I was pretty stuffed. I wasn't so full that I wanted to roll over and nap. I was able to finish the work day and grab some groceries on the way home. Once home, I didn't eat at all! I felt a little hungry so I had a few Kashi crackers in my ranch yogurt concoction (see next post). Later, even though I was not hungry, I ate a salad made of romaine lettuce.
The brown rice not only made me stuffed, but it pretty much kept me stuffed. This is all coming from someone who ate nothing but packaged foods, Rice-a-Roni, chips, packaged cookies...a junk food junkie! Imagine that.
Burn Out
I will be taking the first of two weeks off very soon. I get two weeks. I told my boss if I took two weeks off at a time, I'd probably get so comfortable that I'd never come back. So I'll take one week, then a another week later in the summer.
In fourteen days I will free from work! FREE from my job! I am concerned about my eating habits, but not nearly as much as I am concerned about being so free!
Vacation requires special meals and as a result I've scheduled some play dates for Shawn & me. Since gas prices are reaching to $3.50 a gallon and that makes everything so darn expensive, I've found some things for us do that is free or relatively cheap--and LOTS of walking.
Yes, I will buy a package of bacon and I will cook it with pancakes! Yes, I am going to prepare chicken fried steak, just as my mother taught me (and Shawn's all time favorite meal). Yes, I'm making to massive home made from scratch, complete with greasy cheese and pepperoni. And yes, I will eat these foods! To burn some of this greasy fare off, I remembered that we hadn't played Frisbee Golf in a couple years. I found a new course here in town. Walking two courses and several acres ought to do the trick.
There is a Putt Golf course in Killeen. It's been there forever. We've been here forever. But we've never gone! I signed up with their website & received an emailed coupon for a free round of golf. Maybe it's not exactly aerobic, but laughing is. My mom wants to take me shopping for my birthday. That usually requires miles and miles of walking through malls, stores, and shopping centers. I hate shopping, but I'll be needing the exercise by then.
This is perfect! I can eat vacation foods, exercise, and have fun for free, all rolled into one package. It sounds so good, I may even allow myself to buy a pint of Blue Bell ice cream.
In fourteen days I will free from work! FREE from my job! I am concerned about my eating habits, but not nearly as much as I am concerned about being so free!
Vacation requires special meals and as a result I've scheduled some play dates for Shawn & me. Since gas prices are reaching to $3.50 a gallon and that makes everything so darn expensive, I've found some things for us do that is free or relatively cheap--and LOTS of walking.
Yes, I will buy a package of bacon and I will cook it with pancakes! Yes, I am going to prepare chicken fried steak, just as my mother taught me (and Shawn's all time favorite meal). Yes, I'm making to massive home made from scratch, complete with greasy cheese and pepperoni. And yes, I will eat these foods! To burn some of this greasy fare off, I remembered that we hadn't played Frisbee Golf in a couple years. I found a new course here in town. Walking two courses and several acres ought to do the trick.
There is a Putt Golf course in Killeen. It's been there forever. We've been here forever. But we've never gone! I signed up with their website & received an emailed coupon for a free round of golf. Maybe it's not exactly aerobic, but laughing is. My mom wants to take me shopping for my birthday. That usually requires miles and miles of walking through malls, stores, and shopping centers. I hate shopping, but I'll be needing the exercise by then.
This is perfect! I can eat vacation foods, exercise, and have fun for free, all rolled into one package. It sounds so good, I may even allow myself to buy a pint of Blue Bell ice cream.
Basket Case
I take the clothes from the huge basket in the front counter area and place them into my wheeled basket. I sort the clothes and place them into another sort of basket, a large drum where they will be washed and agitated. I pull the clothes from the drum and into yet another basket and push this basket over to another large drum where they are removed to. The clothes will spin until they dry and when done, I will pull them into the basket once more for hanging before they are pressed.
In the end, the clothes will ride home in an even larger basket with wheels down the interstate with other large baskets ferrying other items.
In the end, the clothes will ride home in an even larger basket with wheels down the interstate with other large baskets ferrying other items.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
What a Loser
Sunday I could feel the munchies coming on. I started eyeball a can of Spaghttios and I don't even really like canned pasta & "meat" balls. The fact that I was eyeing it told me I was just in munchie mode. So I threw a pound of green beans in a bit of olive oil and into the oven, sprinkled on seasoned bread crumbs, grated Parmesan cheese (from a shelf can, not real cheese), pepper & garlic & munched on that. You know what? It satisfied my munchie needs.
I thought, Boy I have really arrived!
Then yesterday I was at the store & for the 2nd week in a row they did not have my cheese flavored popcorn. In a weird, so-not-my-style move, I bought a 9oz bag of chips. After everything was done at home, I ate it. Yep, the whole bag.
I made meatloaf & boxed mac & cheese for supper. I don't really care for either but Shawn likes them both so I figured I be fine. I was actually completely stuffed when dinner time rolled around. Much later, however, I ate what was left of the mac & cheese, and around the edges of the meat cake. Sigh.
I'd stuffed the chip bag to the bottom of the trash can, underneath the trash. I was ashamed and I didn't want Shawn to know I'd plowed through an entire bag of chips. Especially since I didn't save him any. And the chips were not even that good. But I ate them until the bag was empty. The mac & cheese was not all that great tasting, and yet I finished it off.
I did OK at work; I ate my normal work snacks, a 300 cal turkey sandwich on whole grain bread, a small bowl of whole wheat pasta with jarred spaghetti sauce and fake Parmesan cheese. I think I had a Kellogg's fiber bar as well.
But the chips that didn't taste all that good to me? 1350 calories! Did I feel good while I was eating them? Nope. Did it make me happy when it was over? Of course not! Just the opposite in fact, and to top it off I feel extra lousy today.
I've been moody for several days but today I was downright cranky, lethargic, and achy. All I wanted to do since I woke up was to take a nap. I don't know if it'll happen, but I'm definitely gonna go lay down in a bit. I only worked 7 hours today but it felt like a week dragged by as slowly as possible and every little thing ticked me off.
When am I gonna learn to quit this occasional binge? What will it take for me to remember how awful I feel later on?
I thought, Boy I have really arrived!
Then yesterday I was at the store & for the 2nd week in a row they did not have my cheese flavored popcorn. In a weird, so-not-my-style move, I bought a 9oz bag of chips. After everything was done at home, I ate it. Yep, the whole bag.
I made meatloaf & boxed mac & cheese for supper. I don't really care for either but Shawn likes them both so I figured I be fine. I was actually completely stuffed when dinner time rolled around. Much later, however, I ate what was left of the mac & cheese, and around the edges of the meat cake. Sigh.
I'd stuffed the chip bag to the bottom of the trash can, underneath the trash. I was ashamed and I didn't want Shawn to know I'd plowed through an entire bag of chips. Especially since I didn't save him any. And the chips were not even that good. But I ate them until the bag was empty. The mac & cheese was not all that great tasting, and yet I finished it off.
I did OK at work; I ate my normal work snacks, a 300 cal turkey sandwich on whole grain bread, a small bowl of whole wheat pasta with jarred spaghetti sauce and fake Parmesan cheese. I think I had a Kellogg's fiber bar as well.
But the chips that didn't taste all that good to me? 1350 calories! Did I feel good while I was eating them? Nope. Did it make me happy when it was over? Of course not! Just the opposite in fact, and to top it off I feel extra lousy today.
I've been moody for several days but today I was downright cranky, lethargic, and achy. All I wanted to do since I woke up was to take a nap. I don't know if it'll happen, but I'm definitely gonna go lay down in a bit. I only worked 7 hours today but it felt like a week dragged by as slowly as possible and every little thing ticked me off.
When am I gonna learn to quit this occasional binge? What will it take for me to remember how awful I feel later on?
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Reinventing Myself
I'd wanted to quit smoking for years but one of my main motivations was to get out of the cleaners. That job can be downright miserable and around here you ain't working in many offices if you smoke. Once I quit smoking, I'd longed to get off the electronic cigarette. Many offices will allow use of it indoors, but there are many more that do not.
My cousin told me to just run to the bathroom to use it. What? Every ten minuets? So I quit finally and am now on the nicotine gum, a socially acceptable drug. So now what? All I've ever known is blue collar, cold winters, 120+ degree summers (yes, quite literally, it is that hot inside the building) sticky sweat, back hurting, feet sore, kind of work.
I don't know anything else. I can get around OK on a PC but I don't totally know how to do a spreadsheet, I know nothing of Microsoft Office or such things. Shawn's got a great start because he figured out the hardest part--what he wants to do. Fine for him but what if I spend $2000 on classes & discover that I hate the work? Or what I spend $5000 on classes to discover there are no jobs available for what I studied for?
Now is not the time. Shawn & I cannot go to school at the same time anyway. But I'd like to figure out what I could do. That part is scary enough. The slightly less scary thing is just the newness of it all. I'd have to totally reinvent myself, toss my jeans and trade in for slacks, button up shirts, and dress shoes. At least when I started at the cleaners, I'd already been working in dry cleaning for 5 years so it wasn't totally frightening when I began. This is a whole new can of worms.
I've been freaking out slightly almost on a daily basis trying to decide what I'd want to do. On the one hand, I don't care so long as it's heated in the winter, away from chemicals and has some sort of benefits package--even just some lousy insurance would do. On the other hand, I've never been able to sit still for very long. My cousin sits at a desk for 9 hours solid as a secretary. Nine hours! I have a hard enough time sitting through church and even then I fidget the entire time. I'd be a loon, running up & down the office hallways just to stretch. How do people do that? Sitting still for that long would make me wanna just come home & take a long nap.
Dear God, answer me please! Tell me what to do! I don't know what to do!
My cousin told me to just run to the bathroom to use it. What? Every ten minuets? So I quit finally and am now on the nicotine gum, a socially acceptable drug. So now what? All I've ever known is blue collar, cold winters, 120+ degree summers (yes, quite literally, it is that hot inside the building) sticky sweat, back hurting, feet sore, kind of work.
I don't know anything else. I can get around OK on a PC but I don't totally know how to do a spreadsheet, I know nothing of Microsoft Office or such things. Shawn's got a great start because he figured out the hardest part--what he wants to do. Fine for him but what if I spend $2000 on classes & discover that I hate the work? Or what I spend $5000 on classes to discover there are no jobs available for what I studied for?
Now is not the time. Shawn & I cannot go to school at the same time anyway. But I'd like to figure out what I could do. That part is scary enough. The slightly less scary thing is just the newness of it all. I'd have to totally reinvent myself, toss my jeans and trade in for slacks, button up shirts, and dress shoes. At least when I started at the cleaners, I'd already been working in dry cleaning for 5 years so it wasn't totally frightening when I began. This is a whole new can of worms.
I've been freaking out slightly almost on a daily basis trying to decide what I'd want to do. On the one hand, I don't care so long as it's heated in the winter, away from chemicals and has some sort of benefits package--even just some lousy insurance would do. On the other hand, I've never been able to sit still for very long. My cousin sits at a desk for 9 hours solid as a secretary. Nine hours! I have a hard enough time sitting through church and even then I fidget the entire time. I'd be a loon, running up & down the office hallways just to stretch. How do people do that? Sitting still for that long would make me wanna just come home & take a long nap.
Dear God, answer me please! Tell me what to do! I don't know what to do!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The World Is Going To End
It seems foolish to be writing about what I eat & why, thinking about my personal problems, and hating the fact that I have so much work to do around this blasted house when 10,000 Japanese people are dead. A tsunami put Indonesia under water, Louisiana was put under water, then covered with a nice glaze of mold & mildew. Haiti's impoverished community was shaken from underneath. Japan was shaken by an 8.9 earthquake that caused the ocean to spill around like a small bowl of water set on the dashboard of a shakey Buick.
And Japan has another issue that the other devastated countries did not: A nuclear power plant with cooling issues. It just keeps getting better.
The images are once again disturbing. If the world is ending, what have I done with myself? What did I do yesterday that was so important? What will I do today to be productive, to be decent to another person? How much time to I have left?
What am I supposed to be doing? I still gotta cook dinner and vacuum the carpet. I still have to go to work and perform menial tasks there. It's not like I can drop everything & begin traveling to see the sights of the world that I've always longed to see so that I can officially say I lead a productive, happy life. I cannot even do what I should be doing because most days I feel like a sack of rocks that's sank to the bottom of the river.
God, are our prayers doing any good? Are they being heard? I know we are an evil, rebellious people and to be quite honest we probably should all be wiped off the face of this ball of dirt. Help those in Japan, Father. Show me what I am supposed to be doing each day. My life has been a waste without purpose.
And Japan has another issue that the other devastated countries did not: A nuclear power plant with cooling issues. It just keeps getting better.
The images are once again disturbing. If the world is ending, what have I done with myself? What did I do yesterday that was so important? What will I do today to be productive, to be decent to another person? How much time to I have left?
What am I supposed to be doing? I still gotta cook dinner and vacuum the carpet. I still have to go to work and perform menial tasks there. It's not like I can drop everything & begin traveling to see the sights of the world that I've always longed to see so that I can officially say I lead a productive, happy life. I cannot even do what I should be doing because most days I feel like a sack of rocks that's sank to the bottom of the river.
God, are our prayers doing any good? Are they being heard? I know we are an evil, rebellious people and to be quite honest we probably should all be wiped off the face of this ball of dirt. Help those in Japan, Father. Show me what I am supposed to be doing each day. My life has been a waste without purpose.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
This is not the body I was born with
I pretty much gave up junk food. I eat fast food maybe once every 2 months or so. I've gotten to the point of hating anything from a package or box or the freezer-to-microwave section. I started eating vegetables. I began exercising. I quit smoking! I traded white bread for whole grain. I upped my fiber intake dramatically and for the first time in my life I am pooping on a nearly daily basis. I have almost weened myself from diet soda.
And yet I have not lost weight, my sex drive is near zero and I still feel like crap. What on earth am I doing wrong? The occasional junky weekend shouldn't set things in motion. One Christmas dinner isn't going to undo 2 months of eating right. So am I destined to have a spare tire? To always hate my body? To prefer t-shirts to hide my belly? I refuse to beleive that yet I see no other alternative for the future!
For Pete's sake, WHAT AM I DOING WRONG???!!!! Shouldn't I be seeing results by now?
Mom talked her own doctor about inhaled steroids & she said that those type of steroids are much different than what we think of as steroids. So it's not my inhaler, my daily dose of Asmanex. I try to go to bed early & most nights I succeed. When the urge to snack mindlessly I opt for very low fat popcorn instead of my old potato chip friends.
When I get like this, I think it's not doing nay good & I may as well go back to bags of chips & Little Debbie snack cakes. Mmm. Swiss rolls. Those were always my favorite and I cannot remember the last time I had some. But of course I remind myself that eating this way is much cheaper and if I can feed myself on 50 cents worth of green beans, then Shawn can have steak and yes, we can still make the house payment
That's what started all this about 1.5 years ago. We hit a financial snag so the first place I looked for cuts was the grocery store. I cut out all junk food, getting Shawn a couple things if he wanted it. Cooking with more chicken than beef, making homemade pizza instead of frozen...and so forth.
I soon discovered my frozen vegetable suppers alone cut our grocery bill nearly in half.
I don't want to be super ill-looking skinny. I just want to have less overhang at my jeans waist, less jiggle on my thighs. And I want to feel like someone my age ought to feel. I need to have a day without feeling so tired, so yucky. More than looking a certain way, I really just want to feel healthy.
And yet I have not lost weight, my sex drive is near zero and I still feel like crap. What on earth am I doing wrong? The occasional junky weekend shouldn't set things in motion. One Christmas dinner isn't going to undo 2 months of eating right. So am I destined to have a spare tire? To always hate my body? To prefer t-shirts to hide my belly? I refuse to beleive that yet I see no other alternative for the future!
For Pete's sake, WHAT AM I DOING WRONG???!!!! Shouldn't I be seeing results by now?
Mom talked her own doctor about inhaled steroids & she said that those type of steroids are much different than what we think of as steroids. So it's not my inhaler, my daily dose of Asmanex. I try to go to bed early & most nights I succeed. When the urge to snack mindlessly I opt for very low fat popcorn instead of my old potato chip friends.
When I get like this, I think it's not doing nay good & I may as well go back to bags of chips & Little Debbie snack cakes. Mmm. Swiss rolls. Those were always my favorite and I cannot remember the last time I had some. But of course I remind myself that eating this way is much cheaper and if I can feed myself on 50 cents worth of green beans, then Shawn can have steak and yes, we can still make the house payment
That's what started all this about 1.5 years ago. We hit a financial snag so the first place I looked for cuts was the grocery store. I cut out all junk food, getting Shawn a couple things if he wanted it. Cooking with more chicken than beef, making homemade pizza instead of frozen...and so forth.
I soon discovered my frozen vegetable suppers alone cut our grocery bill nearly in half.
I don't want to be super ill-looking skinny. I just want to have less overhang at my jeans waist, less jiggle on my thighs. And I want to feel like someone my age ought to feel. I need to have a day without feeling so tired, so yucky. More than looking a certain way, I really just want to feel healthy.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Hot Dogs & Chips
My Dad's birthday was yesterday & my mom got hot dogs & laid out three bags of chips on the table. Initially I thought I'd do OK since Dad wanted German chocolate cake & I tend to love coconut flavored things, but I despise actual coconut. It's something about the texture; it just feels weird in my mouth.
Anyway, I thought I could get away with eating a couple hot dogs and that would be the end of that however, I didn't think Mom would lay out all these potato chips. One bag was Kettle brand, honey dijion flavor. I love those thick greasy chips. They're the best in the world! Of course I ate too much.
I had one hot dog with chilli, one without, then half a wienie that someone had cut & left on the stove top. I hogged the Kettle chips & dipped my paws into the sour cream & onion chips, my absolute favorite as a kid. (And probably a good start to my food issues if you want to know the truth)
On the way home we pass a store that sells chicken crispitos & Shawn rarely gets them so naturally we stopped to get one. They have corn dogs which I tend to run from, but of course I just had to get one. I had a lot int he morning and in the evening too. It didn't matter how full I felt, I just kept eating.
I felt so guilty last night, promising myself I'd do better the next and the day after that. How many times have I made that promise? When am I going to learn to control this?
Anyway, I thought I could get away with eating a couple hot dogs and that would be the end of that however, I didn't think Mom would lay out all these potato chips. One bag was Kettle brand, honey dijion flavor. I love those thick greasy chips. They're the best in the world! Of course I ate too much.
I had one hot dog with chilli, one without, then half a wienie that someone had cut & left on the stove top. I hogged the Kettle chips & dipped my paws into the sour cream & onion chips, my absolute favorite as a kid. (And probably a good start to my food issues if you want to know the truth)
On the way home we pass a store that sells chicken crispitos & Shawn rarely gets them so naturally we stopped to get one. They have corn dogs which I tend to run from, but of course I just had to get one. I had a lot int he morning and in the evening too. It didn't matter how full I felt, I just kept eating.
I felt so guilty last night, promising myself I'd do better the next and the day after that. How many times have I made that promise? When am I going to learn to control this?
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Helpful Verses
I wanted to keep a record outside of my spiral notebook of the verses I studied over & over while prepping to quit the electronic cigarette. Hopefully, I can pass them along to someone else who may find them handy.
Anything in italics is something I scribbled myself, anything in [brackets] is straight from The Amplified Bible, all scriptures taken from Amplified Bible & NIV Study Bible.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Romans 8:28 All things work together for good to those that love God.
Romans 6:11-14 Count yourself dead to sin but alive in God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin RULE in your mortal body so that you OBEY its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin as instruments of wickendness but rather offer yourself (your body as a temple) to God as an instrument of righteousness (I am the righteousness in Christ)
For sin (drugs, addiction) SHALL NOT be your master because you are not under the law but UNDER GRACE
Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the [constant] renewal of your mind.
2 Corinthians 4:8 We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed,
perplexed but not in despair,
persecuted but not abandoned,
struck down but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 10:4,5 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of this world. On the contrary, they have divine power to diminish strongholds (addictions)
2 Corinthians 5:17 If any man be in Christ he is a new creature. ALL old things are passed away (gone, gone gone!!)
James 4:7 Submit yourself to God (first!) resist the devil [at his onset] and he will (must!!) flee.
James 4:10 Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up.
James 1:21, 22 Get rid of all moral filth & evil & humbly (strip your pride) accept the word planted in your heart, which can SAVE YOU. ....Do not just hear the word, do it
1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has siezed you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out.
1 Corinthians 6:19 Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit (God lives inside of you!)
John 8:32 Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free!
John 14:6 (Jesus said) I am the way, the truth, and the life.
John 15:5 (Jesus said) ...Apart from Me, you can do nothing.
Proverbs...? This too shall pass
Phillipians 4:13 I can do all thing, EVERYTHING through Christ who gives me strength.
Phillipians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything (every little thing) by prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
1 Peter 5:6,7 HUMBLE yourself under the mighty hand of God that He may lift you up in due time. Cast ALL your ANXIETY on Him because He cares for you.
1Peter 5:10 ....God will restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast after your have suffered a little while.
1 Peter 4 Loves covers (over) a multitude of sins
Isaiah 40:31 But those who wait [expect, look, hope] for the Lord shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift up their wings and mount up as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.
Psalm 25:3 Let none who trust and wait hopefully & look for God to be put to shaem or disapointed.
Hebrews 13:5 God has said, "NEVER will I leave you, NEVER will I forsake you".
Hebrews 12:11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on however, it produces a harvest of righteousness & peace.
2 Chronicles 20:15, 17
Do not be afraid or discouraged For the battle is not yours, but God's.
You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your position and stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you.
Nehimiah 8:10 The joy of the Lord is my strength!
Colossians 3 Set your mind [keep it set] on things above, not earthly things. Put to DEATH whatever belongs to your earthly nature
Ephisians 4:22-24 Take off your old self which is being corrupted by its (fleshy, carnal) deceitful desires to be made new in the ATTITUDE of your mind And to put on the new self CREATED TO BE LIKE GOD in true righteousness and holiness.
Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has (past tense! we are already free!) set us free. STAND FIRM and don't let yourself be burdened by the yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:16 Live [habitually] (daily!!) in the Holy Spirit, then you will certainly not gratify the cravings & desires of the flesh.
Ephesians 3:12 God rewards those who earnestly [dilligently] seek Him.
Anything in italics is something I scribbled myself, anything in [brackets] is straight from The Amplified Bible, all scriptures taken from Amplified Bible & NIV Study Bible.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Romans 8:28 All things work together for good to those that love God.
Romans 6:11-14 Count yourself dead to sin but alive in God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin RULE in your mortal body so that you OBEY its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin as instruments of wickendness but rather offer yourself (your body as a temple) to God as an instrument of righteousness (I am the righteousness in Christ)
For sin (drugs, addiction) SHALL NOT be your master because you are not under the law but UNDER GRACE
Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the [constant] renewal of your mind.
2 Corinthians 4:8 We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed,
perplexed but not in despair,
persecuted but not abandoned,
struck down but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 10:4,5 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of this world. On the contrary, they have divine power to diminish strongholds (addictions)
2 Corinthians 5:17 If any man be in Christ he is a new creature. ALL old things are passed away (gone, gone gone!!)
James 4:7 Submit yourself to God (first!) resist the devil [at his onset] and he will (must!!) flee.
James 4:10 Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up.
James 1:21, 22 Get rid of all moral filth & evil & humbly (strip your pride) accept the word planted in your heart, which can SAVE YOU. ....Do not just hear the word, do it
1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has siezed you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out.
1 Corinthians 6:19 Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit (God lives inside of you!)
John 8:32 Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free!
John 14:6 (Jesus said) I am the way, the truth, and the life.
John 15:5 (Jesus said) ...Apart from Me, you can do nothing.
Proverbs...? This too shall pass
Phillipians 4:13 I can do all thing, EVERYTHING through Christ who gives me strength.
Phillipians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything (every little thing) by prayer & petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
1 Peter 5:6,7 HUMBLE yourself under the mighty hand of God that He may lift you up in due time. Cast ALL your ANXIETY on Him because He cares for you.
1Peter 5:10 ....God will restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast after your have suffered a little while.
1 Peter 4 Loves covers (over) a multitude of sins
Isaiah 40:31 But those who wait [expect, look, hope] for the Lord shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift up their wings and mount up as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.
Psalm 25:3 Let none who trust and wait hopefully & look for God to be put to shaem or disapointed.
Hebrews 13:5 God has said, "NEVER will I leave you, NEVER will I forsake you".
Hebrews 12:11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on however, it produces a harvest of righteousness & peace.
2 Chronicles 20:15, 17
Do not be afraid or discouraged For the battle is not yours, but God's.
You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your position and stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you.
Nehimiah 8:10 The joy of the Lord is my strength!
Colossians 3 Set your mind [keep it set] on things above, not earthly things. Put to DEATH whatever belongs to your earthly nature
Ephisians 4:22-24 Take off your old self which is being corrupted by its (fleshy, carnal) deceitful desires to be made new in the ATTITUDE of your mind And to put on the new self CREATED TO BE LIKE GOD in true righteousness and holiness.
Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has (past tense! we are already free!) set us free. STAND FIRM and don't let yourself be burdened by the yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:16 Live [habitually] (daily!!) in the Holy Spirit, then you will certainly not gratify the cravings & desires of the flesh.
Ephesians 3:12 God rewards those who earnestly [dilligently] seek Him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
