Blowing It

7-11 is right next door to my place of work.  This is not usually a problem for me because I am so frugal (read: cheap)  The manager lets us get free fountain drinks and in return we wash their rugs for free and my co-workers each spend about $2 per day in there.  The lottery addicts spend much more per day.

Patti, weighing in at 186, sat munching on an apple.  "What's with the donuts?" I asked, after eyeballing a small box on the break table.  "They came from 7-11.  They just gave them to us," she replied. 

In response to this news, I shouted, "CRAP!"
"I know," Patti replied.  "I was tempted too."

I sat down and ate one.  I've been doing good all week; I deserved it, didn't I?  Then I had another.  520 calories, more fat & sugar than I care to have in a single day and I had officially blown it.  The plan was to live on healthy food and eat light all week and have a small reward on Saturday.  I blew it.  I was so disappointed in myself.  How could I have done this?  I knew how angry I would be if I'd allowed myself to do this so why did I do it?

As far as donuts go, these were not that good.  And it was only 10:00.  That meant that I would have to seriously control myself for the next eleven hours.  It's not so bad in that sense if I blow it in the evening.  I go to bed at nine so there's little time to fret about blowing it even more.  I sit here, hungry but I will not allow myself to eat.  I brushed my teeth so that if I craved something, I would instinctively gravitate away from that something because mixing with the taste of mint would be horrible.

I had a small sandwich a couple hours before the donuts so at 10:00 I'd already met half my day's quota for calories.  Could I make it? I wondered.  I rarely do anyway.  Even when eating healthy good-for-you foods, I usually get up to 1700.  That is unacceptable. 

I should go out right now & go buy a giant bag of sugar free mints.  I hate the taste of mint and it might be the key to controlling myself.  Maybe I'll just switch my nicotine gum to mint flavored....