Pusher

Back when Don was ordering 1,000 bottles at a time, Shawn suggested that perhaps I could quit my job and just make juice.  That was OK with me.  A couple of times, Mom came over and helped me out on a Saturday.  She put on nipples, caps, and labels and that's a huge help when you're facing large orders and doing everything by hand.

A couple of weeks ago, Allan mentioned to me that a vapor store opened on Ave. M.  I've been a bit a powder keg lately from lack of sleep, food and money.  I wished he hadn't told me because I thought no, it couldn't possibly be at our location where we'd signed a lease and lost $2,000.

Of course it was.  Shawn stopped by the store & chatted with the guys there.  On Sunday I made up sample kits with the plans to drive all over this county as time permitted and push this electronic cigarette juice as hard as possible.  I have to get out of my job.  I've been doing it too long and I'm so tired of freezing every winter and spring.

So I changed my clothes, slapped on some make-up and stopped by the new vapor store at our location.  It went well, although I'm not sure if these guys will order anything based onthe fact they make their own juice.  I explained the following behind Flavorful brand until our fall out with a censored store owner.  I told them I would not talk bad about this person, nor was I seeking revenge.  However, if they decided to carry my juice line, I would send over everyone I knew to help them out.  After all, what helps you out, helps me out.

This of course, was mostly lies.  Yes, I am still very bitter about what happened between us and Don.  I see what I am doing with two views.  One is all business.  This is a legitimate business with a huge local fan following; good for all involved.  Two, I see myself as acting on Karma's behalf and hope to bring Flavorful back to Bell County to both allow me to quit my job and crush Don.  It would be an added bonus, that's all.  Someone that evil doesn't deserve to do so well.  And naturally, what goes around comes around.

I will not speak badly about him outside of my own home.  I am merely doing business.  Selling a premium product made with my own hands, my heart and soul poured into it.

Later, as I became scatter brained and a form of ADD kicked in because I had three skillion things to do and was running out of day, as usual, I began to cry.

Normally, as of lately, I cry every single day now.  However this was one of a broken heart.  It broke my heart to go into that building that was mine.  Mine!  And see what a beautiful job they had done with it.  Everything came rushing into my head like a bad storm rolling in.  I never wanted to open a store to begin with.  I certainly didn't want to be outside of my city!  After I'd gotten home, I looked around that store in my head and thought, this should be me!  This was supposed to my ten minuet drive!

Gas is now $3.50 per gallon and our dreve is 40 miles littered with interstate construction and huge concrete walls 2 inches from each lane.  Shawn was offered another large job and I don't know how all this going to work out.  I don't understand why we are put into these situations, why we are left to flounder and flop.  In the shower, I cried out to God.  Why are you having us go through all this?  Why won't you help me?  I'm so tired!  I am SO TIRED!  Where are you?  Why can't I have something, ONE THING the way I want it?

And so on and so forth.  Most days I cry for 10 or 15 minuets and shut it off before Shawn gets home.  I've been crying on and off for about 2 hours now.  I hid it well.  I've trained myself pretty well at least with him.  All I ever wanted was a simple life, a clean home.  Neat and clean is organized and simple.  I hate people; I don't really want to instruct people for a living six days a week while making juice at night and on Sunday.  I told Shawn a few days ago I want to make juice, that's all I want to do.  He said he'd help me in any way he could.

Of course I don't want to spend every waking minuet making juice, but it's alone.  And if I was selling enough my mom would help me, she said she would.  I don't know how much time I have left with my mom and I think that situation would work out real good.  After a day of filling bottles, we could go have lunch.  I'd like that.

I'm so tired of Ramen noodles.  I haven't been this bloated since I was 17 and Shawn and I moved in together.  So now I'm tired and bloated.  And broke, of course.  Don't forget the unforgivable debts!  God, please make these stores want to order up all this juice.  I need something to go my way.  I need something to change.

Damn, I really want to a cheeseburger, too.