Stuck

I am not normally the jealous sort of person.  I have been lately.  I've been feeling jealously all the time and I hate myself for it.  I used to be happy just to have a bed and full belly and lately I've been jealous of everybody for everything.

When Darrell moved in with my cousin Tammy, I visited her house once.  She never married, became a nurse and bought her own house.  I was really jealous of her house; it was beautiful.  I was jealous also because it was spotless--because she had no spouse to louse it up and make it dirty and cluttered. 

I wish I could be seventeen again and know what I know now.  I'd go to school, get a good paying job and a house with no carpet.  I wish people were afraid of me the way they're afraid of Monica on friends.  Her house is a land where no one can spill.  I wish I had a buddy I could go to Zumba classes with, maybe running in the park.  I wish I had a small enconomy sized car that cost only $30 to fill the tank (thanks girl who ran the stop sign & totalled my Mazda--THANKS!!)

I can't go back.  I cannot change things.  I sometimes feel too stupid (and too broke) to go back to school.  The constant clutter and dirtiness drives me crazy.  It makes me insane to search for a pair of scissors that should be IN THAT DRAWER!!!!!!  I cannot stand this feeling of being stuck with no options, no way to change things. 

Jesus said, "I came that you might have and enjoy life." 
When does that begin?