Decision Making

Saturday you asked me if I was mad at you.  "Because of all this...."
I shook my head and said nothing because the thoughts in my head are really mean & hurtful.

You just make bad decisions.  Every time I pass that pile of metal in the backyard it reminds me that we could be $330 richer.  But the shed was on sale & you just had to have it.  And all you managed to accomplish was to open the box, lose the instructions and leave it there in the yard, in a pile, to rot for 3 years.

Every time I drive down Ave. M. I am reminded how we lost $1800 on that lease along with over $200 on the insurance policy for the location.

Your dad left you $40,000 in a life insurance policy and you gave it to your mom who gave it to your siblings (!!!!!) little by little.  And now she's broke.

And now we're broke and up to our eyeballs in debt.

When you first mentioned opening a store I cried because I didn't want the hassle, the cost, the dealings with people.  I cried because I would have been happy to sit at home and make juice.  I cried because I knew IT DID NOT MATTER what I wanted or how I felt about it.  I cried because I knew we would most definitely be opening a store.  And now we're broke and up to our eyeballs in debt.

I do 100% of everything at home; I pick up after you daily; I have a day job and I do 100% of everything you ask/tell me to do.  And yet I get blamed for WET PAINT, BROKEN PLASTIC, AND BOLTS THAT WON'T GO INTO THE FLOOR!!!!  You scream at me as if I have sabotaged these things when all I've ever done is everything you've asked/told me to do.  No one has ever made me cry as much as you have.

You say you do all this for me, to give me a better life and yet all you've ever done is drive us further into debt as though it were a hobby, hurt my feelings, and raise the stress levels through the roof.

I think you do all this for you.  It has NEVER mattered what I wanted.  And now we're broke and up to our eyeballs in debt.

I am nothing that I wanted to be.  I am nothing like the person that I hoped to be by this time in my life because I have been to damn busy doing everything that you wanted to do and what you decided to do.  Maybe for once, just once, you ought to listen my opinions and decisions.  You have to over ride even the tiniest of suggestions! 

If you'll recall, I never wanted to open a store.  And now, if everything works out alright, I get to do everything around the house, keep my day job and spend every waking minuet making & peddling juice.

I wanted to be writer.  But that never interested you.