Whiskey River

As soon as I got home, as soon as I opened the door I fell to my knees.  And cried and cried.  I held my dog who licked my eyeballs and cried some more.

Maybe this is why I've started drinking again.

It's a funny thing about alcohol.  The thing is, whenever anyone in my family gets anywhere near it, they are immediately, instanously, an alcoholic.  I've seen it happen too many times and therefore I was terrified of alcohol until I got drunk for the first time on my 27th birthday.  I could've sworn I was walking straight for the door, but apparently Shawn had to guide me all the way down the street to the car.  I could swear we parked closer!

I'm proud to say I've never operated heavy machinery while drunk (I can barely operate the DVD player while drunk) and I've never once had a hangover.  I've never once lost entire hours either.  I remember everything right up till I fall asleep in a drunken stupor.

It began when Shawn and I were setting up the equipment for Hot Torch Designs, his new business.  I'd get up at 4:30 AM for my job, go to work, run the errands, do the chores at home.  We'd go to the shop and work till around 10 PM and do it all over again the next day.  I could not sleep and I needed to wind down quickly so I could get in a quick 6 hours sleep so I began with a shot or two of whiskey or rum.

Then I gained ten pounds without even trying.  "It's because of a big dose of calories and sugar right before bed," said our friend Richard, who is a professional drinker with LOTS of experience.

So I switched to Benadryl.  It's low in fat and has no calories!  Beginning sometime in December, around the time that all this fuss with Don began, I began to slip in a little whiskey after I'd already taken Benadryl.  Don't know if this is considered safe and quite frankly I don't care anymore.

Another funny thing about alcohol is that women get drunker faster than men because of higher fat content and lower muscle content.  I'm five feet tall and I have plenty of fat to quickly absorb the whiskey so it really doesn't take much.  Last night I timed it.  I poured a shot, not quite to the top and downed it.  Made a sour face (because it's like $6 a gallon) and I was plenty toasted within four minuets.

Ah, sweet river of whiskey.  Within no time, my problems had fallen by the wayside.  My worries cast aside, I watched a DVD of "My Name is Earl" and chuckled slightly until I fell into a silent doze.  Not that I intend to become an alcoholic (who does?) but I can certainly understand why one would turn to drugs or alcohol to make everything go away.  My problem is that I care about my dogs getting fed, having food around, even if it's only Ramen noodles and electricity.  I really like electricity.

So I drink before bed to force myself to become as dumb as a doorknob and relax.  Naturally, it's always in the back of my head of what has happened with other close family members and their drug and alcohol usage, of course there's always that lingering worry that I may not be able to save myself in case of fire, flood or tornado.  But the whiskey washes most of those worries away.  They're barely there.  And then I become very sleepy.  And hopefully I can sleep in a very deep stupor until midnight, at which point I'll get up and pee as if I were peeing for the first time ever, then literally fall into the bed and sleep like a dead thing till that awful hatred sound of the alram clock goes off again in four and a half hours.

So today wasn't good and I'm very much looking forward to bedtime and my whiskey river.  Hey, at least I've got something to look forward to.