How to Quit Smoking. For Real.

I think it’s a safe assumption to say that I have very low self-esteem.  This began around the age of nine which was when my body began to change and mature.  I blame the hormones in the milk I was forced to drink daily by my mother.  Aside from being dragged to Wal-Mart for a so-called training bra, I had also developed an ability that most women gain later on in life:  Weight Gain.

From this point on, I was no longer The Skinny Kid.  I had in fact become The Chubby Kid and this was accentuated by my later need for glasses.  I had always been the one other kids picked on, even the chubbier kids.  And even into high school, where I fit in like a square peg into a round hole, I was bullied, teased and driven into a state of depression that required a short hospital stay.

At the age of fifteen, I started smoking cigarettes because I thought it would keep me from eating.  Keep in mind that I was only maybe ten pounds overweight but in my head I was a huge elephant that everyone thought was ugly and no one could ever like.  My now husband, had broken up with me because our families were fighting like rabid animals stuck in a pen with dollar bills being passed about as each one fell.

Quite mature, I realize that now, however at the time, Shawn was my only friend.  He was my first kiss, my first real boyfriend.  More importantly, he was my only friend and he chose to leave me. 

So I chose to smoke, thinking that if I had a cigarette in my mouth, I would not have food there.  And no, it had not crossed my mind the damages that smoking can do to one’s skin, hair, and nails--aside from the skillion other health issues it may cause.  It did not occur to me that I would one day go through boxes of nicotine patches and nicotine gum and long lists of other items to get off the blasted things as I had watched my parents do so many times.  I had not thought about the stink I would carry around with me on my clothes and in my hair.

This inevitably earned me the nickname Stinky from a group of particularly hateful boys.

Yes, even the boys picked on me.  They even wrote “STINKY” in permanent marker on my locker.  They once even shoved me into the gross boy’s restroom and held the door shut until I nearly passed out from the urine funk injecting itself into my nostrils.  And I was the stinky one?  Boys are gross.

Five years later, I attempted to quit smoking.  I made it until 4pm using some sort of nicotine lozenge that tore my stomach to shreds.  From there, I tried the patch, the gum, cold laser therapy (twice), the gum and the patch at the same time (nicotine overdose and throwing up!) hypnosis at some hotel, that inhaler thing you get by prescription, Chantix, anti-depressants……

I never once made it a full day without a cigarette.  I was so miserable a few hours in, I would give in to my desire to fulfill the need my body had so hungered for.  This is the description of a junkie, only without the stealing and not having a place to live.  But in essence, I was a junkie.  I could not function without cigarettes.  No matter how badly it tasted, how yucky I smelled, no matter how it affected my sense of taste, I needed it.

Around the age of twenty-seven or so I became obsessed with making myself look better.  I began researching face creams, magical lotions that made pimples vanish, hair conditioners, what foods to eat, and so on.  It was at this time that I realized if I wanted the energy to exercise, I would need to quit smoking.  I knew for a fact my skin would look better and I’d feel better; good enough to do those sit-ups I’d been putting off for the last decade or so.

This was the deciding factor on my quitting smoking:  Looks and money.  As the government raised the taxes on cigarettes, I did the math and checked our budget.  One of us would either need to quit smoking or quit eating.

I had gone through this many times.  I would pray and cry, scream at God, “Why won’t you take this addiction away from me?  I need you to help me!”  I had often felt as though God was not hearing me.  “It’s in His time, not yours,” my mother would say.  No very helpful.  I was so discouraged after every attempt; I felt like such a loser!

I found out about electronic cigarettes when I turned on the internet one day.  The news articles popped up and there was a photo of hundreds of Chinese women on an assembly line.  The were building the e-cigs, a device that allows you to inhale a water vapor spiked with liquid nicotine.  It was born out the fact that China had had the most smokers in the world,  I checked into this extensively.  I found a forum where I read everything, talked to everyone and asked a lot of questions.

This began in April 2009.  I had a lot of trouble at first.  Spent a ton of money we really didn’t have trying different things.  Things would break, I’d drop things, I accidentally let myself run out of supplies.

I easily got down to five cigarettes a day--without even trying.  And this!  This after smoking at least two packs a day, three a day on weekends.  I moved up to a device that had more power behind it and easily quit smoking.  I went two straight days without even craving a cigarette!  The smell disgusted me and the taste was foul.  For the first time in thirteen years, I didn’t want a cigarette. 

On the third day, I dropped my gadget, busting it into three pieces.  This is exactly how my entire journey had been.  I stood right there at work, in front of everyone, and began to cry.  I knew I would smoke again.  And I did…in about five minuets.

To fast forward a couple of weeks, it is now February 6th, 2010 and I have not had a cigarette in twenty-four hours.  I had a couple yesterday morning, and one around 8pm--which tasted so disgusting I didn’t even finish it.




Eating is not a problem.  Waking up is not a problem.  Stressful situations are a breeze.

Even though we weren’t paying forty dollars for a carton a cigarettes (we ordered them online), I’m barely spending anything on this e-cig gadget.  It was costing me five dollars EACH DAY to smoke cigarettes.  Now, I’m on easy street with an average spending of thirty dollars per month.  Of course it wasn’t easy getting here.  Some people have the stupid of luck of opening their first starter kit and quitting smoking cigarettes right there on the spot.  Some of us have a bit more of a struggle.  But I never gave up.  I never gave in.  Maybe the way God presents us with doctors and medicine, He presented me with the electronic cigarette.

Of course, there is the intention to get off the nicotine one-hundred percent, eventually.   For now though, I’m looking forward to glowing skin, healthy hair, and yes, finally the energy to get rid of those pesky ten pounds.  I’ve even started eating steamed vegetables with dinner.

Go me!



An interesting piece I had posted on Electronic Cigarette Forum:
http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/forum/electronic-cigarette-reviews/64826-review-comparison-901-510-5v-pt-gg-nano-chuck-help-frustrated.html