Killing Time

It occured to me while I was waiting for some photos to upload to Photobucket (a backup for my backup, of course) that I could write while I stared at the progress bar that never moved.  I so rarely get to write anymore & thought I could use this time to put some stuff down.  Of course I do not even feel like writing right now.  At all.

Some time ago, my original intent was to record a bit of what's going on with Mom and Darrell.  I thought I could add it into what might be my future book but it's all so depressing.  Who wants to read that?  I thought I could type out a bit here, as a release but often I just don't want to relive it.

I just got off the phone with mom.  Most of the time it's about an hour of talking, venting, crying, laughing.  It is exhausting, I tell you.  But I told her many times, if you need to get away without leaving, if you need to vent off some frustrartion, please don't hesitate to call me, ever.

When Darrell was placed on steroids to help combat the pain, he became not only mean, but downright hurtful.  Mom cried as she told me some of the things he'd said to her.  "It's real easy to say, 'Oh it's just the teroids, just blow it off' but it doesn't make it hurt any less," I told her.  "You need to just say to him, 'You know you really hurt my feelings' and nothing else.  Just walk away."

We agree that no one could really tear into him for saying these things, that wouyldn't be right either.  But I felt like he ought to know that he's hurting her very badly with his words.  OK, maybe the steroids play a part, a friend of mine went through the same thing with her husband, always telling me what a jackass he'd become after being put on the drugs.  But still, as much as she and Dad have done for my uncle...no one deserves to be treated that way.

And I'm not just being defensive because it's my mom.  My parents opened up their home when no one else---to be very blunt--wanted the job or huge responsibilty.  Darrell's own wife flat out said she didn't want him or the job.  So there you have it.  Their whole world has changed.  They've opened their home to visotors, they've opened their wallet, they've displayed a tremendous amount of patience.  So, yes, I could easily get very defensive here.

It hurts me to her hurtig this way.  I don't understand why mom has to be going through all this.