The Door Is Open But There's No Sun Shine Shining Through

Today is Sunday.  This is the first day I have no woke up crying over the loss of what I considered to be a good friend and comfort.  I feel guilty, as though I am letting go of her.  As I write this though, the screen and the keys are becoming very blurry and tears are rolling down my face.

On Tuesday, I felt as though I would never feel better.  I felt like my whole world had been torn apart and I was forced to continue to function, to make a trip to the store, to go to work, to wash the dishes.

Lucy is quite helpful though.  Mom said is was very good that we had her now.  I understand what she meant finally.  I gave Lucy a long overdue bath yesterday.  I let her outside and she immediately dug up some cat poop and rolled her entire body around in it.

Lucy got a second bath.

She's acting differently.  She's won't let me out of her sight, not for a second.  She requires me to follow her outside.  If I won't go, she checks every 5 seconds to make sure I am standing at the kitchen window.  She follows me into the bathroom, even if I only need to change into my pajamas.  "I think she's realized Prissy is gone," Shawn said.

Both the moms told me to leave the bed there.  Ma suggested Prissy may visit me again and would want her own bed for however brief her visit may be.  Mom suggested Prissy's bed would be a great comfort to Lucy.  That's exactly why I left her toys where they were always kept.  I may not be to smell such a small indistinct scent, but Lucy may be able to.
 
Lucy also has been acting differently in another way.  Overnight she's seems to have become a complete clown, doing things that make me laugh out loud.  She's a total monkey!

Everyday it seems to get a tiny bit easier.  Everyday I seem to cry a little less.  But then I feel guilty for that.  I don't want to forget how Prissy made me laugh.  I cannot ever forget the night her stomach was blocked and I cried for two days in worry.  The hair on her belly never did quite grow back after the surgery.  I don't want to forget how she'd start to run on the kitchen floor, yet stay in one place, unable to get traction.

I have heard that in Heaven, you get whatever--whatever--your heart desires.  I desire, obviously my family, but I also desire my dog.  My heart is hurting.  I cannot imagine that my heart will have such an ache in Heaven and I hold onto the belief that I can at some later time, drag her around by that brown pillow as she latches on the other end by her teeth.

On Tuesday, one day after the start of all this crap, I checked the newspaper.  The daily Bible verse was from Psalm 126:5.... 

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.