They Say A Good Cry Is Therapeutic Part Five

I've taken a lot of Advil and chewed a lot of nicotine gum.  Only God knows how much because I sure haven't kept track.  Last night, we shared a few moments of just hugging each other and crying profusely.  I told Shawn my thoughts on how I did everything right, even down to buying plants that were nontoxic.  And it still didn't matter.

Crying, he said, "Of course it did!  You did everything right.  We had twelve years with her.  You treated her like a child and because of that, she was the healthiest dog for her age."

In the end though...  On that first day, Shawn said something really sweet, something about how we'd been this treasure....  I cannot remember it.  Last night we were standing in the bathroom, of all places, when I went on about my above remark and he was struggling about how we're given charge over the animals but have to go through something like this.  I said I was feeling the same way but left out the gory details.

Lucy did eat a little last night.  And for all concerned parties, I did as well.  Not feeling like cooking, I made Hamburger Helper for the first time in six months, at least.  I had a small bowl and made a very large bowl for Shawn.  He ate it all and gave Lucy the sauce that had settled at the bottom.  "You're gonna get treats, but we're not going to spoil you," he told her.

I gave her some small bites of hamburger, hoping to stir her appetite and eventually, later that evening, she ate from the dog food bowl.  In typical Lucy-fashion, she took one single piece of dog food at bedtime, and carried it to her bed for safe keeping.  From this point on, it probably won't matter that there isn't another dog here.  Lucy has just always hoarded food.  Even after all these years, I think she's still afraid she may not eat again.

This was another thing we discussed.  "How old was she when we got her?" Shawn asked.
"Nine months," I replied.
"No, this one," Shawn said looking to Lucy.
"They estimated by her teeth that she was four.  But she kinda has bad teeth....  She may have been older."

Shawn went to ask how long ago we'd gotten her and I really could not remember.  I knew I was working at Valet and I've been there for six years.  She may be at least eight or nine.  It occurred to us that she may have been jumping up and down from furniture for the last five years.  "She may have another four or five years yet.  And we can handle it then," I offered.  I don't think it was much comfort to either of us.  Shawn said he couldn't possibly go through this with Lucy.  My fear is though, down the road, we may very well have to.

In the bathroom, Shawn had reassured me that Prissy loved me, reminded me of that with little details.  I know that.  I guess there was a good reason she clung to me for the last month.  I know that little dog loved us both in different ways.  It's so difficult to give up, to let go of a creature that loved me without question.  I don't know that I can let go.

For the first time in months, I bought a frozen pizza yesterday.  I knew I would not want to be cooking.  Conscientiously, I picked one that did not have sausage on it.  We both kind of hate those weird little sausage balls that comes on frozen or take-out.  And yes, of course the dogs would always get a taste.  Prissy would get to the point of acting like a bad dog with Shawn because she knew he would give her a bite of greasy, fatty sausage.  They always knew from me, they'd get a teeny bite of crust.  I'd often have to slap Shawn's hand, figuratively speaking, for giving them too much sausage.  I wish I had bought a frozen pizza in the last month.

In late afternoon, I had gone a good half hour and stayed dry.  I remembered that I had not checked the mail.  Insid the mailbox was what appeared to be a greeting card.  Inside was a card with a cat and dog on the front.  Inside, printed was, "Our loyal friends will always be with us.  They come into our lives and leave their paw prints on our hearts forever."

Below that was written:
I share in your sadness in the loss of Prissy.  May you find comfort in recalling the special times you have shared with her.  She was lucky to have your love and care for so long.  Dr. Gage

Of course my dry spell was totally over.  Shawn saw the card when he got home and whatever dry speel he had was totally over as well.  "That's very sweet," he cried.  I told him I would pick up a thank you note when I got to the store.


Monday morning I had a thrown up as a result of doing nothing but sitting in bed and chewing nicotine gum all day Sunday.  I sit here, editing this post, adding details and my stomach is churning pretty good.  Too much nicotine will cause extreme nausea and vomiting and I'm fully expecting both this morning.