The Power of Prayer

Saturday was a little....let's call it difficult.  The plan was to gather as much prayer as I could and quit cold turkey.  The morning went alright, that is, until I wasn't the only one up int he house.  Shawn & I were in the bed beginning a movie and his bed side lamp was right in my eyes.  I asked him if he could turn it away a little.

He made this face accompanied by an eye roll and shut off the lamp with a huff.  "What?" I demanded.
"It's always about the lamp!" Shawn exclaimed.
"Well, it's always in my eyes!  All I asked was that you turn it a little and I asked very nicely and you throw this little fit!!!"

It's easy to explain this to anyone who's ever been addicted and tried to get off said addiction.  As soon as there is a little upset, the first thing you want to do it run tot he drug to calm yourself down.  I went to the kitchen where I had a single slice of pizza in the oven.  I tossed it on top of the oven.  I wasn't even hungry anymore.  I was dying for some nicotine by now.  I ended up on the floor by the back door and it's very cold over there.  I sat in the corner for 40 minuets, sobbing like an idiot.  At one point, I had two pieces of nicotine gum in my hands and just fondled them as I cried.

I got up and took 2 Benadryl.  As soon as I good and relaxed, I ate my pizza, finished the movie and slept all day.  If I woke up, I took another Benadryl.  I slept the entire day away, literally.  Around 8pm, I had been awake for a little bit but still very drowsy.  I went tot he bathroom to brush my teeth and there on the counter was 2 pieces of nicotine gum.

I'd been tot he bathroom several times, why hadn't I noticed them before?  Why hadn't I pt them away the night before?  I thought it was very strange.  I debated it for a few minuets but wound up opening the little foil packages and popping them into my mouth.  I had a fitful sleep all night.  I must have woken up and turned over about 47 times.

Almost as soon as I woke up on Sunday morning I popped some nicotine gum and kept it in my mouth all day.  And I was fine.  I wasn't moody or aggravated.  Later that afternoon, I'd remembered that I had left all my e-cig stuff on the counter in the living room.  I was nervous about putting it away.  I was afraid that if I simply placed my hands on the stuff I'd be huffing away at any moment.

I wasn't bothered by it.  I didn't crave it or even really want it.  Now, all day I had been sort of depressed about chewing the nic gum.  I felt that I had failed.  But if I could touch the beefy 6 volt e-cig, the liquids and place them in a drawer & not even want them....I felt this really was a breakthrough.

I went out tot he garage where Shawn was fiddling with his current project and explained I had been chewing the gum all day, about how I was depressed about it, but didn't even want my e-cig or to even inhale from it.

He was less than encouraging.  He sort of just nodded and went on to explain what he was wanting to do in the garage.  I went inside.  My mom called around 5pm and told me she had argued with herself over calling.  She was afraid I'd be sleeping or having fits but she wanted to call to see how I was doing.  I told her about the gum, picking up the e-cig and putting it away.  This is the reaction that I needed.

"GOOD!  PRAISE GOD!!  AWESOME!!!"  Good 'ol mom. 

I've been telling everyone whom I'd asked to pray for me that it was like I was delivered from the e-cig overnight.  To have it my hands at all times, then not even want it?  Truly a miracle.  To explain, a lot of smokers can't quit using the gum.  It's the essentially the same drug, yes, but it's so, so different.  You're used to getting the drug through inhalation, having it in your hand, holding, feeling it ride down your throat and even into your lungs.  There's a comfort in it, feeding the fix.  For weeks, I've trying to ween myself ontot he gum & could not do it until all these folks began to pray for me.

It is an awesome feeling, having my hands free.  I have many "Ah-ha!" moments when I catch myslef looking for my battery charger, reaching for my e-cig at work and it isn't there.  This really was the work of God & I believe He'll deliver me from the drug completely in His own time, when He knows I am ready.