And Back Again

I don't feel like writing at all.  Ma is back in hospital.  No one could reach Shawn on Friday because he forgot his cell phone at home.  My mom called me so I could reach him.  I called the office at his work and they got him.  I told Shawn his mother was at the emergency room, having trouble breathing.  "I'll meet you there," he said and hung up.

I didn't leave work & I figured it would become an issue.  I called my sister repeatedly because no one would call me.  Shawn's sister, Kelly was there, had a cell phone and no matter how many times I called her phone, elft a message, sent a text, no one would call me.

By the time I got off work, Ma had been admitted to a room.  I got this information from my sister as well.  I prodded a bit why no one had called me.  Kelly did see the text and somehow deduced that it meant for Shawn to call me.  This led to an argument about Shawn not having a phone, how he could not "shit a phone". 

Kelly told him a couple of times, "Bob had a phone, Bob had a phone!" and biting my tongue I thought to myself, "YOU have a phone!"  I explained that I didn't mean for Shawn to call me--just anyone so I was not in the dark.  Shawn later put it into my head that Kelly wouldn't call me because she didn't dig me.  My sister was not a favorite in-law so that's why Kelly called her but never me.  This is simply his opinion; nothing was said about it.  I tried to really let it go.  There's enough stress without trying to create something to stress about.  It still had me peeved pretty badly that no one could call me.  There was a phone in the room.  Shawn could have used that.  He could have borrowed Kelly's phone.  Kelly could have called me.  Pick one!

Dylan's graduation was at 7pm and that went off without a hitch.  Shawn suggested we stop off at my parents and I really did not want to because he wanted to go back to the hospital.  My nephew won an award, a couple scholarships and my parents along with Shawn and I chatted up about what a great kid Dylan is.

Back to the hospital.  No one knew anything yet.  It was found very early on that Ma had fluid on her lungs and that was all that was known at this point.  Kelly would be staying the night.  We got to bed around midnight, up around 6:30 the next day.

Back again to the hospital, run some errands, and so forth.  We decided we needed to sleep so we put in a well watched movie, turned out the light and settled for a nap.  Shawn and the dog slept.  I did not.  I was left miserable and cranky.

Sometime in the afternoon, I was dozing.  I had taken a couple of "cat naps" lasting around 3 minuets each.  I heard the sounds of my favorite TV show "The Office" slowly fading away and I began to drift into that wonderful notion of unconsciousness.  The phone rang.

Kelly kept telling Shawn, "She's staying."  No duh, Shawn told her--what have you heard?  As far as they could tell, Ma had multiple blood clots in her lung and they would first thin her blood and work on getting rid of the clots by means of medication.

Shawn had at first blamed himself for the fluid on the lungs.  On the first night after Ma's stomach surgery, they told Shawn to have her blow into some contraption to expel the anesthesia.  Since Ma was in and out, being on a Morphine drip, Shawn let it alone.  And of course he blamed himself for all of this.  I asked him if he was on the payroll at the hospital and if it was his responsibility to take her blood sugar as well.

I was so sleepy, I felt as though I could barely stand.  Shawn returned to the hospital without me.  I drank an energy drink, took a cold shower, hoping to wake up a little.  At 8pm, Shawn called to say he was coming home and could make him a hamburger or something.  Sigh.  I was exhausted, but alright.  I was wishing he'd prefer McDonald's to my cooking tonight.  Shawn said he would run out tot he house, tell his oldest brother, Tim Happy Birthday, then back to the hospital and did I want to go?

"You're just gonna be in his room, smoking, smoking, smoking--I can't breathe in there!" I told Shawn.  This led to some tension and I told him to swing by and pick me up on the way to the hospital.  Tim was not even home; they'd missed each other, so Shawn came back to get me.  Oh, I'd forgotten to mention here that Shawn tore into Kelly at the hospital, telling her that when she had information regarding all this, she should not have him playing 20 questions.  Kelly flipped out a little on him, crying, and storming off.  When he'd called to tell me this, I gently told him that everyone is tired and stressed out.  Everyone is making a big deal out of nothing.

There was tension between us over the little cooler bag, and because I wanted to watch the last 3 minuets of a movie I had watched in between making his dinner.  At 9pm we got into the car.  Shawn angrily jerked on the seat belt again and again.  "Pull on it gently!" I snapped.  He stopped and glared at me.  He tugged on the belt, it easily slid out and he buckled himself him.  Shawn peeled out of the driveway, gunned it to the stop sign and slammed on the brakes.  "What's wrong?" I muttered.  "Nothing!" he answered.  "Yeah, I can tell!"

At the hospital, chatting with Ma, I began to wake up a little.  Some conversation about the toys we all collected, the toys in the attic, etc came about.  "They're probably not worth anything.  Everything has dipped so badly.  We sold--"

I felt Shawn's size 13 sneaker grinding into my exposed foot (I was wearing ballet flats). I stopped and looked at him.  He did not really look at me, but continued the conversation.  I don't know what he was expecting to come out of my mouth.  It hurt my feeling, it hurt my foot, and my stomach fluttered as my heart raced.  My hands shook as I fought to control the rage that boiled within me. 

I said nothing.  I grabbed my wallet, left the room, walked around a bit and ended up standing int he hallway, silently and alone to cool off.  I returned, Shawn left to smoke.  "You're gonna have trouble with him," Ma said to me.  "He ripped into Kelly earlier."  I told her I knew about all that, how he always makes a nothing into something, about he stomped on my foot because I guessed I was about to say the wrong thing.  "I cook his food, clean his house,w ash his clothes and get treated like a second class citizen!"  This lead to a minor conversation in how men suck.

Kelly entered the room and asked where Shawn was.  "He's somewhere, being an asshole," I replied. 
"I thought that was reserved for me," she said.
"Oh no!  You get the leftovers; I get the main course."
"Are you talking about Shawn's famous courtyard incident?" Kelly asked, referring to his blow up at me when I told my mom about the apricots.

Shawn walked in.  He decided we were going home and we walked silently to the car.  We drove in silence as the car was gunned and slammed to a stop over and over.  I decided I would say nothing unless I was told what I should say. 

I took a Bendryl so I could for once, get some sleep.  As always, he fell to sleep pretty easily, I stayed up, watching TV and stewing.  Eventually, the allergy medication took over and I fell asleep around 1 am, only to waken at a mere 7am.  Only six hours, again.

Today is gonna be a rough day.