Flashbacks

I don't know if I'd call them flashbacks exactly.  I don't know what it is.  Lately, I've been seeing images in my head, almost as real as something in front of me. 

When I get home, the first thing I gotta do is pee, as we all know I have a bladder the size of a peach pit.  Prissy, so very excited to see me home, finally after all those long hours, could not wait for me.  She'd always follow me into the bathroom and even as I'd do my business, she'd stretch her front feet onto my knees and pull her back taught and long.  I'd scratch her ear and shoo her dwon because her nails were digging into my bare knee.

In the times I did not wait for Prissy, during a Potty Emergency, I'd shut the door behind me and wait for the inevitable scratching from the other side.  It always made me laugh.  The door is well within reach from the toilet, so of course I'd let her in.

Today, after a grocery trip, I let Lucy outside and immediately hurried to the toilet.  As I passed through the threshold, I saw Prissy anxiously following me from behind.  Now, I do not mean, I actually saw her, like she was there, as though I could reach out and touch her.  She was in my mind's eye, so to speak.  I could still clearly see the pattern in her fur, a neat combination of white and tan, with a few stray hairs of black.

I worry that soon, I will be unable to remember these things.

Lucy would rarely follow me to the bathroom.  As she adjusted to the loneliness of workdays, she would occasionally follow me when I returned home.  Today she did not.  As I reached for the toilet paper, I remembered that was Prissy's signal that we were done and she would scratch at the door from the inside until I let her out into the bedroom.  She would bolt, nearly hitting her body against the door and run just as fast as she could, then back again.

I missed that terribly.

As I did my business, as it were, I saw a tiny little shadow moving back and forth at the door's crack.  "I see you!" I chimed sweetly.  The shadowed moved to the left, back to the right as if in anticipation for something grand and exciting.  "I see you!" I rang again.

Once I was done, I opened the door and Lucy sat on the rug looking up and me and whining, just slightly impatiently.  She, in her loyal companionship, followed me from room to room to room as I put away laundry, groceries, and made dinner.  She seems to become tired after following me around and dealing with my attention deficit and strings of "oh yeahs".

It happened again later.  I made a huge salad and Lucy became very excited.  I crumble whole grain crackers over my lettuce to replace croutons and Lucy always knows to expect a tiny bite of cracker at the end.  As my fork scraped the bowl, I saw my lost companion in front of me once again.  Her eyes swelled in size, with exaggeration and anticipation.  She knew the bowl was nearly empty just by how the fork sounded against it.  It always amused me how Prissy could hold her composure while I ate.  It seemed to take every ounce of energy in that little body to keep still.

As the fork or spoon, or even my finger rubbed and scraped against the plate or bowl, Prissy seemed to wiggle and squirm as though she could not take it a second longer!  And just when it seemed as though she were about to burst, I reached into the bowl and plucked out one small bite I'd been saving all along.  And she knew it.  She knew I'd saved her a bite.  As I'd reach out with my soft and fragile fingers, Prissy would gently take the bite between her teeth and swallow it whole.  She'd immediately begin the search for more.  She knew she could draw blood from my fingers.  It had happened more than once, purely accidental.

I had begun to place Prissy's dental sticks on the floor and let her take them on her own.  Too many times, she'd bit into my hand out of excitement.  The adrenaline always to rush right through her very teeth at the sight of that little store bought bag. 


As I scraped the metal bowl with the metal fork, I saw my dog in front of me, waiting patiently and still, her eyes wide and hopeful.  Her mass of brown and wide, trembling, unable to contain herself! 

I shook it off and looked to Lucy, who sat on her belly, ears too big for her head (and much out of proportion) and eyes widened.  I turned back down to the bottom of the empty bowl, empty save for one tiny piece of cracker with just a bit of salad dressing.  I picked it out with my fingers and handed it to her.  Lucy gobbled it up as if she may never eat again.