Tidbits

I have $43.67 in my checking account.  I have a trip to Wal-Mart before payday.  This is so stupid.  I know my parents where in this boat at the age of thirty and thirty-seven respectively.  But at least they had two kids to feed, and 74 stray cats at any given time.  I don't really know why we always had so many cats around.  I guess that's just a staple of country living.  They came by, got pregnant, and just never left.  If my parents were smart, they would have fed us the cats and told we were eating deer or squirrel meat.  We wouldn't have known any different.  My Dad makes an awesome homemade barbeque sauce.  You 'd never know if you were eating roadkill.

Imagine the savings.

Speaking of cats, ours is the meanest on the planet.  This was due to Shawn's rough housing with her as a kitten.  It was his way of generating "a good mouser".  Of course now the cat has no reason not believe that every arm, foot, leg and hand is her personal play thing.  This poses a problem for the home's inhabitants.

We were both unable to sleep last night.  We both tossed and turned as The Office played on DVD.  I thought Shawn might be falling asleep as I laid there with jealously burning. 

"Mmmmrrrow!"  I felt a gentle nudge on the mattress.  Naw, it couldn't be.  That cat never comes in here at night, never!  I lifted my head my pillow, cautiously.  The cat stood on the floor beside the bed, on my side.  She lept up to the mattress again.  "MMMMRRRROOOUUUU!" she cried. 

"Play dead," I hissed at the back of my husband's head.
Shawn lifted his cranium from the plethora of generic bird down.  "I said, PLAY DEAD!" I hollered. 
Laughter emulated from one end of the mattress as the cat made her way.  'Is she in the bed?!" Shawn asked, almost shocked by the thought.
The cat positioned herself next to Shawn's chest as he gently stroked her back.  As soon as it had begun, she turned to face the floor, placing her rear end right in Shawn's face.  She slowly, cautiously, very slowly made her way to the floor, all the while pointing her anus at Shawn's direct line of sight.

"I have the most beautiful butt hole in the world!  Look at it!" I laughed.
"Stare at its glory as I SLOWLY jump off the bed and put it right in your face!" Shawn laughed.

Bored, Evil the Cat finally left the room and we continued to toss and turn.  Shawn got up to smoke a few cigarettes, have a snack.  I found myself making a small sandwich and reaching for nicotine gum.  Sometime after 11pm, we both slowly drifted our way to dream land as the voices of Dwight, Pam and Michael quietly faded away.  And as far as I know, the cat never came back into our bedroom. 

She was probably insulted that we made fun of her fabulous butt hole.