Emotional Bloackage Part Two

Early Wednesday morning, I explained to my boss, Allan what was going on and that I may or may not need to leave later.  "Well....When it rains, it pours, huh?" he said.

I really don't think Allan mean to say stupid things on purpose.  I know, you're probably thinking what I was.  Having my beloved dog dying and Ma being the in the hospital with God knows what isn't easily compared to unexpected bills and flat tires.  I think Allan was unsure of what to say at the moment and that is just what came out of his mouth.

The cigarette store closed at 6pm so as soon as Ma was rolled into surgery, Shawn headed home to drop off his truck; I picked up cigarettes and nicotine gum.  I was first into the house and a wild bird was fluttering into every three dimensional object int he living.  Shawn's albino cockatiel, LuLu was in a great panic and the floor beneath her cage was covered in her own feathers because of it.

"Um," I began as Shawn entered the front door, "we have a slight problem."  Maybe the bird got in the day before when I let Lucy out and was just really quiet all night and this morning.  I didn't even try to analyze it.  Miraculously, the bird flew into the kitchen and Shawn closed the kitchen doors, opened the back door and it flew out.  Weird.

I packed a cooler with sodas and ice packs so we wouldn't all be spending our paychecks at the vending machines.  Once we arrived back at the waiting area, none of our family was to be found!  "This is how it's gone for me ALL day!" Shawn said.  We found our family in a private room with a doctor.

"Do you want to tell them, or should I?" the doctor asked our siblings.  "You're not gonna believe this!"  The doctor went on to explain that they cut open several inches into Ma's intestine and found THREE whole, unchewed dehydrated apricot pieces.  They had to pry them out, sewed up the incision and were pretty much astonished from there.  All day I had prayed it was something silly like bad chicken salad, but I would not have ever guessed this.

Everyone walked outside to scatter into the parking lot for a smoke.  I was several feet from Bob when he said--what I thought I heard him say--"No one tell her it was apricots; let her come up with her own thing."  Tim sat on a bench as the others filed out.  Earlier, Shawn mentioned to me that we should chat a little extra with Tim because, "He's the only one of us that doesn't has anyone.  He comes off as a hard ass, but I don't he is as much he likes everyone to think so."  I told Shawn that I didn't exactly expect Tim to open up to me or anything but I saw an opportunity on the bench.

I simply sat on the bench and asked how he was doing.  Bob had been carrying a McDonald's sack like a piece of luggage and I mucnhed on cold, rubbery french fries.  A beady eyed bird practically came right up to me so I threw him a fry.  The bird greedily snatched it up and we laughed.  "There's something wrong about that," I chuckled.

That's about the tall & skinny of bonding with Tim.

Sheila nagged me to call our own mother as she had been concerned as well, even called a few asking for prayer.  Sheila had the last to call Mom and she probed Sheila if I had smoked.  "No, she's just chewing her gum," Sheila told her.  Oh, for all outside parties reading this, Sheila is my sister and she married Shawn's brother, Bob.

Everyone had gone inside except for Shawn who lingered in the parking lot.  I found a bench and called my mom, told her the great news.  Wrapping up the conversation, Shawn found me & sat down.  I mentioned something to Mom about the apricots and Shawn made a "tsk" sound and gave me the most hurtful, hateful look one can imagine.  "What?" I asked.  "NOTHING!!!!!" he said and walked off.  I followed, the phone still in hand.  "What?  What did I do?  I don't know if you don't tell me!" I hollered.

"Bob said not to tell ANYBODY about the apricots and you told HER about the APRICOTS!!!!"
"I thought he meant it as joke, like let her come up with whats he thought it was," I said.  I was baffled by all this and suddenly, hurt and very angry.  I called Mom back, told her not to tell a single soul about the apricots and that I had to go.

I found the others in a secluded spot in an otherwise empty room.  They were all alughing  "Can anyone tell me why Shawn is so pissed at me?" I asked, my hands shaking with anger.  I told them briefly about outside.  "I told you not so say anything!" Bob said.
Laughing, Kelly said, "I already slipped and told Dustin!"  (Dustin is her eldest son)
"I thought that was a joke, I didn't understand!" I said.
"You were right there!  I told you!" Bob said.  He wasn't angry but he seemed like he didn't understand why I didn't understand.
"I really don't see what the big deal is," I stammered.
"Because we don't want (pointing his finger) OH!  Apricot lady!" Bob exclaimed.
As if all this was going to be blasted on the evening news. 
This back and forth went on for a minuet and I eventually said, "I'm not saying shit to him, not to anyone!"

I had left my purse on the floor and went to the bathroom where I fought tears and punching a tile wall.  I really did not understand what the big deal was or why Shawn was so hurtful toward me--as if I really need that right now!  I was happy to hear apricots!  It wasn't colon cancer, it wasn't a twisted intestine--this was good news!

After several minuets, I returned, scooped up my purse and disappeared.  I found a bench outside near a fountain and hoped no one would find me.  I did not care.  Shawn hurt me and I wanted to be alone.  I stared at the birds playing in the water and cried.  Really, after everything that's happened in the last three days!
I pushed my face into a Reader's Digest that I'd had stuffed in my purse.  I sensed someone walking up behind me. 
As with all conversations that I've typed out, I don't remember all the details of this one.  Shawn sat down and s aid he was sorry.  I loudly came at him with everything I was feeling.  "Well I'm sorry if I made a mistake.  I guess I misheard Bob, I misunderstood and I really don't see what the big deal is!  I made a mistake!  I really don't need this shit from you right now!"

Shawn asked if we could just put this behind us and I told him that I could not just turn it off like a light switch.  We returned inside and I was still burning with anger.  I made to sure to sit in a single chair and bury myself in my magazine.   Sheila later told me that before Shawn found me on the bench, someone told him, "You'd better go make up before you're on the couch tonight!"  And that's all that was said to him.

Kelley returned with her eldest daughter, Ali and her new boyfriend, Cody.  Why on earth she did this, I cannot say.  We could be hear till midnight, waiting for Ma to come out of recovery.  And now we have this other family's boy to look after?  It once took Bob five hours to come out of anesthesia, so who knew how long we might be here!

Shawn was telling about how his cell phone takes pocket pictures.  The camera often goes off by itself in his pocket.  He made a joke about how he's got nothing but photos of testicles in his phone and it's like some mess up porn.  Actually, he's got about 78 pictures of just dark--because it's in his pocket, not his underwear and there's not a shred of light.  Shawn had an audience and he was on.

"Well that wouldn't work," Ali chuckled.  Tim started in on Ali about how she'd better not know anything about porn, if he finds out, blah, blah, blah.  He went on for six days.  Ali just looked at her hands and said nothing; I swooped in for the rescue. 

"She didn't even say anything about that!" I quickly entered in.  Then is all on me.  "Oh what are you, Miss Grahm?"
"Miss Grahm?  What are you even talking about?" I asked, confused once again.
"What is it...Jean Grahm or something, Billy Grahm's daughter, trying to save the world!" Time answered.
"I'm not trying to save the world, it was all just a joke, leave it alone!"

I later explained to Ali that Bob once made fun of my teeth until I was crying my eyes out.  At the time, I thought he was trying to hurt me.  I was fourteen, for Pete's sake.  I also told her that those two tend to take something, a joke, a picking on, and let it run on for days.  They don't mean to be hurtful, they just don't know when the joke has run its course.  I saw her face.  I know that feeling quite well.

The family name blasted over the speakers just at the right time before this little stupidness between me & Tim became something more than stupid vs stupid.  And it can happen in a nano second, I assure you.

Once on the fifth floor we crowded together in a private room and Ma seemed to be doing just fine.  Kelly asked which one of us was going to stay the night and when no one volunteered, Shawn stepped up. I knew Bob had been awake for over 24 hours and could not.  I wasn't sure why he still stood at all.

I was actually glad Shawn volunteered, "Because no one else was gonna step up," as he put it.  I needed to distance myself a bit.  I was less angry, but I was still angry he would treat me with such hurt after what we had been through together, only a couple of days ago.  That hurt from Monday had not left.  It was merely set aside for the moment.