As of Lately

I expressed my concern for Mom once the barage of people filtering in and out of the house was over.  Dad is thinking she'll be OK.  That much remains to be seen.  She was getting that sound in her voice last night as she stated it would be first night she's been alone since Darrell moved in.  I reassured her that she could call me anytime if she became lonely.  Kathy had stopped by and as soon as Mom spotted her, she teared up.  "If my coming by is going to make you upset, I'll not come over any more," Kathy said, dead seriously.  Mom opened the front door wide and commanded Kathy inside.  She promised Kathy some day they'll go to lunch as well. 

Kathy wasn't sure Mom would be able to take any more.  She said she'd never seen anyone like Darrell go on for this long.  The doctor had said the same.  Mom had admitted to me that she had grown exhausted and was so tired she seriously didn't care if she lived or died.  I can only imagine how Darrell waisting away before her eyes had drained her physically, emotionally and spiritually.  "I had no idea, no clue how hard this was gonna be," Mom told me.  Dad had asked her if she'd known, would it have changed her mind about doing it.  "No," she said firmly.

Monday night, for the first time since April, Mom went to bed at ( PM.  For the first time in 2 months, she slept in her own bed.  The next day on the phone, she sounded like whole new person.  She'd been staying up till ten, then midnight for medication dispensing, then up at 6 am again for more meds.  The sleep is well deserved.


There have been many generous gifts from local people, people who knew Darrell.  One of their neighbors who is distantly related to our family (somehow) sent over some SPanish rice with chicken and a check for $25.  Mom had placed in the obituary that donations may be made to the South Elm Cemetary Fund or Scott & Hospice (which donates a TV to a patient should they desperately need one, and grants small last wishes both on a very picky basis).  The Pay To area was left blank.  The enighbor called and said the money was for my parents, that they should do something together with it.

Dale and Becky, Darrell's former employers from the way back stopped by because they'd seen the newspaper.  Mom explained how Darrell's family came one day and took all his money and his wallet.  (Betty had even cleared the pocket change on the dresser)  All fo Darrell's phone numbers were in that wallet and she had no way of calling anyone.  Becky expressed her dislike for Betty.  After all they had done to help her out, Becky said, Betty never so much as offered a single "thank you".  "But," Becky also said, "I would have thought she'd have at least the decentcy to have called us!"  Mom described her little outburst to Betty and Becky replied to her very simply, "Lock.  Your.  Doors."

I've never understood how someone like Darrell ended up married to a person like Betty.  Never got it.  The funeral director in charge of the cremation had stopped by the house as well.  As it turns out, he also had attened the funeral directory at the place where so many of my family members were handled.  He and Mom recognized each other instantly, even though this was all going on in a whole other city.  He stopped by to deliver the bill for the obituary and told Mom that Betty had finally called him.

He said Betty sounded as though she were as intoxicated as a person could be and only understood about half of what she actually said.  She said she and Justin would be by to sign the paperwork, even though all this could be done by fax.  The man told mom that legally, since she is Darrell's wife on paper, if she asked for the ashes, he had to give them to her.  If she neither of them asks for the ashes, he promised, unsolicited to bring them by my parents' home.  He sounds like a sweet man.

At some point, Betty called MOm and while everything was cordial she asked Mom a strnage question.  She asked MOm if Darrell had ever said anything about a phgoto of him and his dog Tootsie to be placed with the ashes.  Mom answered honestly and that he'd enver said anything about it to her.  I d=found it odd because Darrell intended for the ashes to be returned to the earth where he grew up.  Mom suggested to me that Justin and Betty might still do this and simply not notify the rest of us.

I became upset over something that hasn't even happened (yet) and MOm reminded me that if that happeens we'll just go out by ourselves; we don't need ashes the ashes are just ashes.  I still felt like this could be a very probable thing to happen and it would be very sorry.  As much as my parents have done!  Really!

I wouldn't put it past them though.