What a Loser

Sunday I could feel the munchies coming on.  I started eyeball a can of Spaghttios and I don't even really like canned pasta & "meat" balls.  The fact that I was eyeing it told me I was just in munchie mode.  So I threw a pound of green beans in a bit of olive oil and into the oven, sprinkled on seasoned bread crumbs, grated Parmesan cheese (from a shelf can, not real cheese), pepper & garlic & munched on that.  You know what?  It satisfied my munchie needs.

I thought, Boy I have really arrived!

Then yesterday I was at the store & for the 2nd week in a row they did not have my cheese flavored popcorn.  In a weird, so-not-my-style move, I bought a 9oz bag of chips.  After everything was done at home, I ate it.  Yep, the whole bag.

I made meatloaf & boxed mac & cheese for supper.  I don't really care for either but Shawn likes them both so I figured I be fine.  I was actually completely stuffed when dinner time rolled around.  Much later, however, I ate what was left of the mac & cheese, and around the edges of the meat cake.  Sigh. 

I'd stuffed the chip bag to the bottom of the trash can, underneath the trash.  I was ashamed and I didn't want Shawn to know I'd plowed through an entire bag of chips.  Especially since I didn't save him any.  And the chips were not even that good.  But I ate them until the bag was empty.  The mac & cheese was not all that great tasting, and yet I finished it off.

I did OK at work; I ate my normal work snacks, a 300 cal turkey sandwich on whole grain bread, a small bowl of whole wheat pasta with jarred spaghetti sauce and fake Parmesan cheese.  I think I had a Kellogg's fiber bar as well.

But the chips that didn't taste all that good to me?  1350 calories!  Did I feel good while I was eating them?  Nope.  Did it make me happy when it was over?  Of course not!  Just the opposite in fact, and to top it off I feel extra lousy today.

I've been moody for several days but today I was downright cranky, lethargic, and achy.  All I wanted to do since I woke up was to take a nap.  I don't know if it'll happen, but I'm definitely gonna go lay down in a bit.  I only worked 7 hours today but it felt like a week dragged by as slowly as possible and every little thing ticked me off.

When am I gonna learn to quit this occasional binge?  What will it take for me to remember how awful I feel later on?