Thirty is the New Twenty

I don't even know how this all happened.  I didn't even know I had the balls.  When you talk back to your boss, no matter how secure the job is, there's always that thought in the back of your mind, "You could get fired!"  And that's why I held back so much yesterday, I think.  Also I was so friggin' angry all I wanted to do was cry & I hate crying because that really isn't a side of myself that I want to show. 

That thought that supposed to be in the back of mind?  Wasn't there today.  I just totally unloaded on my boss.

Allan staretd off by trying to talk to me & I wasn't having that.  He asked if I was still mad at him.  I kept silent, maybe I made a face.  "I look the reason I had to ask you if you were on drugs--"
"WHY DO KEEP TRYING TO TALK ABOUT THIS?  CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE IT ALONE?!"

Not that I was screaming.  Let's say my voice had become....quite raised.  At this point, Terry had vanished with such success that it were as though he had ceased to exist.  Smart man.  Knows what the wrath of a woman can accomplish.

There was a lot of back and forth.  Allan kept calm, I kept my voice, um, raised.  I was collected though, with articulated thoughts.  I wasn't childish or nasty.  I was proud of myself and I guess that comes with practice.  Lots and lots of practice.  I've practiced a LOT since getting married.  Ha, ha.

I had explained to Allan about the blouse, how the woman's clothes all had old stains on them, how it came out of a forty pound load & was the only one with dye transfer & that's why I kind of "blew it off".  It was now that a little truth came out.

"Jennifer said the stain was not there when she took it in," Allan said calmly.

Ah, ha.

"Well, Jennifer is mistaken!  They don't pay attention to anything up there!  They take in a hundred white shirts, miss things, and even when the computer tells them to put something in dry cleaning to come to me first, THEY DON'T DO IT!!"
"You're right and that's why I'm going to talk to Jennifer--"
"And the stain was there when it came in.  'We' didn't do it.  I didn't do it!"

Allan uses the words "we" and "us" a lot so I found it imperative to state 'I'.  This went on for a while, actually.  And it wasn't so much what came out of my mouth, but the tone I used.  Allan knew I was pissed & not only because he asked if I were on drugs and I told him so, that it was "because of this whole situation".

After that, slowly and steadily I just began to feel so much better.  Part of it may be due to a couple things that happened, but honestly I felt like a load had been taken off my chest.  Angel, who does alterations and mending came in early with a huge peach cobbler, fresh from the oven & still warm.  How did she remember our conversation about peach cobblers a month ago?

Terry & I bolted to the break room and immediately placed a large dent in the cobbler.  There was a small envelope on top of the paper plates.  "What's this?" I asked Angel.  "Just a card," she replied.

The Lord's love never ends; His mercies never stop...They are new every morning.  Lamentations 3:22, 23  Just a reminder that you are in God's care and my prayers today.  Happy Birthday, Misty  --Angel

"AW!!!  I needed that!" I said.
"Everybody needs a little life now & then," Angel replied.
"I need a few!"  The back of my eyeballs stung & I hugged Angel, saying "Thank you!"  And that is a big deal because I am not a hugger. 

As Terry & I dug into the cobbler, I told him it might be coincidence but I thought it was funny how he disappeared the second my voice got loud.  "No, I did.  I meant to leave," he said.  We laughed over this.  His wife probably taught him that.  I made sure to tell Angel how good the cobbler was; I knew she was a bit self-concious due to using a new recipe.  Of course I thanked her about a thousand times.  I said to Terry over the cobbler how funny it was because I thought everyone hated me since I'm so mean all the time.  We laughed again.

At work we do a dollar exchange on birthdays.  Liz takes colored paper and writes HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAME! and pins it to your shirt & everyone give you a dollar, which you slip into the pin.  The boss gives Terry $20 to get donuts.  Now we have had donuts for every birthday for the entire six years that I've been there.  Liz started five years before me & said it was always donuts.  No one likes donuts anymore.  In fact, we all kind of hate donuts now!  So I suggested we order breakfast tacos from the taqueria down the street, 3 for $1.99 and use the $20 for that.  It was a major hit and apparently I've started something.  The villagers are restless!

Something else happened.  From almost every single person there, I received $2 instead of $1.  This stems back to the Christmas party of 2009.  Shawn & I were the second employees to arrive & no one sat with us.  Rebecca & her man sat with us, only because they were the very last to arrive & there were no more seats.  I took it personally, though I am sure nothing was meant by it.  For many months though, I harbored some bitterness over it.  I didn't go this past Christmas, still stung by getting passed over, even though Jackie egged me on to go.  She went on for so long, I eventually told her I'd be there even though I had no intention of going.  And apparently I missed it because I was told Allan got a little tipsy & teary eyed. 

It wasn't the fact that I got an extra dollar from most people, but the gesture that it provided.  I know I am loud, outspoken, annoying, and have a tremendous attitude that I wear on my sleeve.  But on the other, I do cause a lot of laughter because I like to make people laugh, even if it's at my own expense.  That gesture really meant a lot to me.  Allan usually gives $5 to the birthday celebrater; today he gave me $10.  I guess he feels like an ass.

Throughout the day, Allan made very small attempts at conversation & I made it pretty obvious I wasn't interested.  I asked Liz why he kept doing that.  "I guess he feels bad that you're not 'friends' now & needs everything to be OK.  He's always like that."
"I'm not a lamp!  I need time to cool off, just leave me alone.  Every single person that works here knows that--Terry knows that!"

Yep, if you've just been hired, I'll tell ya flat out that if I have a problem with you, I'll come & tell you.  But if you've really pushed my buttons, just leave me alone & I'll come to you.  Just let me chill out.  Shawn learned that the hard way.  No, I think he still has not learned that to the fullest.

Allan has pushed my buttons before & I can remember him doing the same thing.  I wanna tell him "Just don't talk to me!"  But I can see that he's trying and I've got only one more day till Happy Super Terrific Fun Vacation Time.  When I come back, I'll be more chill. 


Casey said that thirty is the new twenty.  "I thought it was that forty was the new thirty," I replied.
"And twenty is the new thirteen!" she said.

So true.  But at least at twenty you've not yet developed lines on your face no matter how much you smoked.  I need some more nicotine gum....