Reinventing Myself

I'd wanted to quit smoking for years but one of my main motivations was to get out of the cleaners.  That job can be downright miserable and around here you ain't working in many offices if you smoke.  Once I quit smoking, I'd longed to get off the electronic cigarette.  Many offices will allow use of it indoors, but there are many more that do not.

My cousin told me to just run to the bathroom to use it.  What?  Every ten minuets?  So I quit finally and am now on the nicotine gum, a socially acceptable drug.  So now what?  All I've ever known is blue collar, cold winters, 120+ degree summers (yes, quite literally, it is that hot inside the building) sticky sweat, back hurting, feet sore, kind of work.

I don't know anything else.  I can get around OK on a PC but I don't totally know how to do a spreadsheet, I know nothing of Microsoft Office or such things.  Shawn's got a great start because he figured out the hardest part--what he wants to do.  Fine for him but what if I spend $2000 on classes & discover that I hate the work?  Or what I spend $5000 on classes to discover there are no jobs available for what I studied for?

Now is not the time.  Shawn & I cannot go to school at the same time anyway.  But I'd like to figure out what I could do.  That part is scary enough.  The slightly less scary thing is just the newness of it all.  I'd have to totally reinvent myself, toss my jeans and trade in for slacks, button up shirts, and dress shoes.  At least when I started at the cleaners, I'd already been working in dry cleaning for 5 years so it wasn't totally frightening when I began.  This is a whole new can of worms.

I've been freaking out slightly almost on a daily basis trying to decide what I'd want to do.  On the one hand, I don't care so long as it's heated in the winter, away from chemicals and has some sort of benefits package--even just some lousy insurance would do.  On the other hand, I've never been able to sit still for very long.  My cousin sits at a desk for 9 hours solid as a secretary.  Nine hours!  I have a hard enough time sitting through church and even then I fidget the entire time.  I'd be a loon, running up & down the office hallways just to stretch.  How do people do that?  Sitting still for that long would make me wanna just come home & take a long nap.

Dear God, answer me please!  Tell me what to do!  I don't know what to do!