Round and Round We Go

Last night was the first night I was able to sleep more than six hours.  If Rey hadn't called at ten o'clock, that is.  Shawn's cell phone blasted, I got up and shut it off; it took me over half an hour to get back to sleep.  Six hours until the The Most Annoying Sound in the World would go off. I'd only slept twenty minuets to begin with.  This is why my gut is so stubborn.

Five minuets before The Most Annoying Sound in the World went off, I woke up with my back flush to the mattress...vertically.  I woke up on my side with my body nearly hanging off the edge, Shawn in the middle, his pillow on top of mine.  I was almost drifting when The Most Annoying Sound in the World went off in my left ear.

And here we are.  It's only Tuesday and only 5 am and already I feel like it's going to be a rough day.  I thought the same Friday morning and look how that day turned out.  I should not complain at all.  After all, I was not the one taken tot he emergency room and found out to have several blood clots in my lung.

I was somewhat productive.  Lucy got a bath.  I cooked Shawn some dinner and baked some sweet potatoes for myself that never got eaten.  I rode along to Ma's house.  She's doing great, actually.  She explained to me that the clots are very tiny and after all this is over, they should be gone.  Kelley took her to Wal-Mart and Sam's; she walked around for three hours, did some food shopping for her new low sodium diet.  Her blood sugar has been normal and she was happy to look at something "other than this wall and that one".

She bought a new scale because she was told to weigh herself daily.  Ma explained something about a sudden gain of 2 or 3 pounds and water weight, having to take water pills.  I'm not totally sure, some of that stuff was confusing to me.  I suppose it has to do with fluid on the lungs.  Ma was asking me if I could get the digital working.  With her help, I got it going.  "is it working?" she asked.
"I gained a pound.  Yay me!" I answered.
Crap.

I had previously asked Shawn if we could talk later "without screaming and without being nasty".  Over at Ma's however, Rey called Shawn and asked if he had his Come Along.  Shawn said, yes, it was in his truck and he called Rey on our way home.  It was just sitting there, laying outside all by itself, Shawn said, so he picked it up.  Rey is the kind of person you should never lend your tools or anything else to.

I didn't speak to Shawn much.  I didn't want to get into all of this only to be interrupted.  Rey never called, never showed.  Typical.  I took Lucy into the kitchen.  The small containers that hold the cat food and dog food were becoming low.  The cat food more so.  I took them to the large storage bins for refilling and realized I probably wouldn't need to buy the large bag of dog food next time.

Can I go one day without crying?  I gave Lucy her joint supplement, which may as well be steak; she loves them.  I walked with her to her bed and stroked her back.  I glanced over at Prissy's bed and noticed that there was not a single wrinkle in it.  Lucy had not been in it or on it at all.  They always played Musical Beds, which I found amusing.  Lucy has not touched it.  I started to cry.  "You must be so lonely," I said as Lucy looked me directly in the eye with what appeared to be sympathy.  I always found it interesting that dogs look you directly in the eye, more than some people I know.

Every day that I come home from work, the house feels quieter, more empty.  I lost it pretty good on Saturday only because I had pictured my dog stretching across my chest and I knew I would never have that again.  It's hard to believe that my little dog is really gone, even still. 

I'm so tired of crying.